There it is in the rack on the engine assembly line and it`s quivering with fear - will it spend it`s life with it`s feet in a pool of sludge and it`s head in a salt and filth encrusted engine bay or what?

As the last communal night falls, the little rods chatter and try to calm each others nerves. Because tomorrow at least one in the thousand will never find peace. Never the slumber endowed by manufacturers 20,000 service intervals and the palpable plonkerdom of the non checking motorist.

"In out, in out - shake it all about" - in out in out - a bit more in out too much - dang!

Peter pulls the dipstick for the 20th time and it`s spot on. the level that is. Until a couple of drops of oil drop off the crankshaft webs.. The worry, is it overfull?

But what if......if it`s one of THOSE, with the DPF . In that case, the engineering of the century - elegant and sophisticated - developed with the customer and in mind - kicks in.

Torrents of Derv slosh down on piston rings designed to scrape fluid down into the sump.

Over 100yrs of development went into that. Rings that suck (ok scrape) oil into the sump.

Squirt suck squirt suck -- the levels are a rising captain - best launch thel lifeboat before we all get washed out of the crankcase breather.

No, hang on, the dipsticks been back to the factory and has another notch in it. (ouch)

Squirt suck flood suck some out - bong bong bong - oh the big ends don`t like 10/90 oil- derv.

It would`t happen to us, the dipsticks chorus in the night.

Too right, chill out - you`re heading for the petrol engine assembly line.