...not.
My very good friend and fellow rider Jean-Pierre is an unreconstructed Frenchman. Thus he brought to the Philippines (at great expense and considerable under the table payments to the Bureau of Customs) a....you've guessed it....a Megane. Not for him a trustworthy demure and submissive Japanese ready to cater to his every whim at 2/3 the price, but rather a moody unpredictable femme of a car whose seductive overtones belied a basic inability to perform.
There is no Renault dealership in the Philippines. The car, apart from having a feeble Euro a/c, was not tropicalised, i.e. made for the climate and road conditions we encounter. These, combined with the mounting DHL bills for parts from La France and the time spent in la garage, meant that this example of fine Gallic engineering, soon became a general pain in the derriére. Even the forever inventive Filipino mechanics, who can generally raise the automotive dead given a few beers and a bit of head-scratching, were frequently at a loss.
After nearly 4 years this wretched conveyance has finally expired, even JP admits to this. Its fragile suspension and feeble mechanics are beyond salvation.
So what does he do? He orders another one from La France.
J-P I can deal with your liking for snails and eating snake, I realise you chaps are not like us at all. I know that you are a Norman and do not consider yourself part of modern day France and that your countrymen ensured the English Royal Family spoke French for about 3 centuries and to this day our heraldry is still so described, I respect the fact you retired from a fine career in the French Diplomatic service, I think your country has a sleazeball for a President and so does mine but that's not our fault, I like you as a friend, but doesn't your choice of car lack a certain je ne sais quoi in the learning department?
Well, as they say, he who ignores the pasta is doomed to reheat it. (Or was that for Alfa owners?)
Apres ça, la deluge (with apologies to Charles de Gaulle). I can see it coming, "G, mon vieux, (slaps on back) can you get DHL (my old employer) to get me a good price on shipping another cylinder head....." "Well, J-P, us Brits are historically used to getting you guys out of the merde, so I'll do what I can...."
..exits stage left with Gallic shrugs and hands extended palm upwards.....
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Pardon, messieurs et mesdames. derriÈre.......
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Thanks for brightening my day, G!
(The sooner The Telegraph starts their 'Tales from Manila' section, the better!)
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Well, frappez une lumiere!
V
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>Or was that for Alfa owners?)
Don't be rude. I changed my mind about Alfas this morning, when I saw a very very fetching one. S reg. immaaaaaaaaaaculate condition. & in baby blue. Being driven by one of the 'local boys' (SE1). Baby blue. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
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Don't be rude. I changed my mind about Alfas this morning, when I saw a very very fetching one.
Pun intended? If you bought an Alfa, the dealer would be forever fetching it on a flatbed truck ...
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Not just the French. I had a note from an retired banker friend in Luxembourg the other day who decided he had enjoyed his first mid-life crisis so much (took up with a terrifyingly attractive Russian lady) that he would have another one and buy an Alfa.
He sent me a picture. I replied why did you choose a pale green one? He huffily responded, that's not pale green mon ami, ça c'est MINT green et metallique, alors.
....I suppose Tamara is sourcing for him a suitable cologne to go with his choice.......
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LOL, HJ,
The Bali wine I believe is brewed up in the mountains of that fair island by Aussies. I recall one evening on Kuta Beach with my French friends when they actually confessed it wasn't half bad.
But chacun à son gôut, my two (very well liked) French pals also ride Les 'Arleys, so I'll forgive them the xenophobia car-wise.
Happily we have many of us exiles long ago in these fair islands dispensed with wives with serious thighs and settled for more lissom and considerably lighter and more cheerful younger companions who would doubtless fail the basic requirements for the Cellulite Olympics.
Rather like the exodus from temperamental European cars to reliable Asian ones.....
In the circs and over a few pastis and Gauloises and a Friday evening spent re-fighting the 100 Years War with my Gallic friends, I am almost driven (but not quite) to warm feelings about the Renault TS I once hired in Spain. A pity it failed en route to Barcelona airport and caused me and my family to miss my flight. My French is not up to translating "bag of spanners", but National Rent-a-Car were left in no doubt. Sacre nom d'un chien!
Garçon, l'addition, si vous plais......
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I know that Citroen and Peugeot send cars to Australia now, maybe Renault does the same. Perhaps an Aussie model would be more suitable.
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I know that Citroen and Peugeot send cars to Australia now,
...
Or, as mentioned here before, buy a LHD Pug 504, brand new, out the box, still manufactured in sunny Nigeria.
And if they can cope with Lagos roads, tey'll cope anywhere!
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I think the Peugeot 504 may well have been the last decent French car made. I was posted to Amman in Jordan for a short while in the late 70's and had a company leased one, in that obligatory beige. It gave the impression of being indestructible, used to hammer it down to the Dead Sea and Petra for the w/e and back up the corrugated dirt roads of the Wadi Rum with clouds of dust billowing behind. The more you thrashed it the better it went, it seemed.
Nothing exotic like air-con or radio.
To this day the estate versions of the 504 (along with the W123 MB's) are the common mode of transport all over Egypt. I have seen them with maybe 10 people inside and a couple more on the roof, laden down with baggage, hammering down the road to Alexandria at suicidal velocity.
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What the French would call clever diplomacy and the British would regard as shiftiness: last night my Norman pal shows up with a brand new Nissan Sentra. No new Megane from La France after all.
Ribald remarks ensue from the assembled group of drinkers. Jean-Pierre endures these passively, lets them die down and announces (shrugs and hand gestures): "ah, but zis car she is a Renault anyway, ne c'est pas?"
National pride it seems (sort of) has been redeemed.
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"zis car she is a Renault anyway, ne c'est pas?"
But isn't that a reciprocal arrangement? You could equally say that his previous car was a Nissan! At least it might reduce his sang-froid...
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