I would like to invent ....
An automatic speed sensitive warning sign triggered by tailgaters. It would be more sensitive in colder temperatures or when the wipers were activated. It could be something like a parking sensor which detects another vehicle driving too close and flashes a warning light mounted at the rear of the vehicle. Upmarket versions could have customised illuminated messages instead saying things such as.." I say old chap, would you mind awfully backing orf a tad ? " Folowed by "much obliged" when an appropriate gap is restored. ;-)
I'd also like to invent a roller blind which is stored in the A pillar on the outside. It would be pulled across the windscreen and clipped on to the opposite A pillar thus preventing the formation of frost on the glass. (Side versions could be fitted to Ghias etc. )
I'd also like to invent a fuel filler for both sides of the car. I know you can stretch the hose across but it's so undignified.
I would like to dis-invent automatic wipers which are stupid and never quite do what you would have chosen yourself.
What would you like to invent ?.....
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A colleague of mine used to work on the principle that you only hit a car in front if you're not paying attention, therefore the closer you drive to the car in front, the slower the closing (impact) speed will be when you him them!
I'm sure it's only a matter of time before all cars have RADAR operated cruise control and collision avoidance RADAR.
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I would like to invent .... An automatic speed sensitive warning sign triggered by tailgaters.
Too late, our local traffic cars have one. It lights up and says "Police Follow me". :-)
Edited by Old Navy on 03/02/2010 at 18:58
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Humph , good ideas although I am still a fan of auto wipers.
Those Ford owners will look down their noses at those of us that don't have heated windscreens!
Most of the stuff I would like to "invent" already exists, its just that I can't afford it!!
Do fancy revolving number plates a la James Bond though...
Maybe one day someone employed by VAG might invent a special feature which lets you know when your headlights are on. Something technical like a lit symbol on your dashboard....
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But when the lights on your VW are on, the dash lights up and you get that nice blue backlight to dials etc. Audi tended to use red as does my Mazda6.
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An old Mad comic from the sixties already had this one solved: foul smelling smoke from nozzles in the back. It's also a good opportunity to give the back window a darn good wash wipe
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>I'd also like to invent a fuel filler for both sides of the car. I know you can stretch the hose across but it's so undignified.
You cant its already been invented - was used on jaguars.
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But AE those Jaguars had two fuel tanks. What about one under the boot lid edge again or under the number plate. Oh that was done too.
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The Americans cracked that one years ago, a centrally located fuel filler behind the rear number plate. I must admit to having to ask how to fill an American car the first time I came across this and could not find the filler, 1970 I think it was. Pity it doesn't work with Eurobox hatchbacks.
Edited by Old Navy on 03/02/2010 at 19:25
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My old mans ford consol from the late 50s had a central filler behind the number plate.
Edited by Altea Ego on 03/02/2010 at 19:29
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Renault 16 had a fuel filler beside the rear number plate, the Commer's is on the o/s back corner. I guess recent cars can't meet rear end crash requirements with a fuel filler on the back.
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and Mini Coopers (proper ones)
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I would like a large mallet to appear out of the boot connected to a sort of pile driver mechanism that trashes the front bonnet of tailgaters cars. Although I don't think that would have worked today.
I had a very slow Toyota Yaris in front of me driven by a man wearing a flat cap looking around at everything but the road, and a juggernaut up my rear driving like the truck in the film 'Duel'. At one point he honked his horn with impatience as his grille filled my rear screen. Maybe Humph's electronic notice board would have been better - ' I'm sorry I'm holding you up, but I have a Last Of The Summer Wine character holding me up' :-)
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>I'd also like to invent a fuel filler for both sides of the car. I know you can stretch the hose across but it's so undignified. You cant its already been invented - was used on jaguars.
My S-type had fillers on both sides of the rear wings. A switch on the dash energised the level float and fuel pump for the appropriate tank BUT the tanks weren't connected. Not quite the ideal solution.
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Little clips which normally sit flush in the roof which can be rotated and turn into bike holders.
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A driving instructor friend of mine invented a new style of safety aid which he felt would massively reduce accidents and injuries on the road.
The steering wheel airbag is removed and replaced with a large jagged metal spike, which terminates in a rusty tip some three centimeters from the bridge of the driver's nose. He felt that drivers using this new style safety aid would become instantly safer!
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I assume he went out of business.
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... a car where steering and pedals can be moved between left & right at flick of a switch.
No more "steering on wrong side" for continental driving :)
... a current gear indicator on dashboard (all autos have that - why not in manuals)?
... a removable 4WD system, which you can fit (may be at dealership - not DIY) if required and un-fit when not required. You can hire the components during off road driving/winter and get rid of when no longer necessary.
... open source software to read what various engine parameters are calculated by ECU.
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>... a current gear indicator on dashboard (all autos have that - why not in manuals)?
you dont know what gear you put your car in?
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you dont know what gear you put your car in?
I can but often learners struggle to remember without looking at gear lever (thus taking eyes off road). Moreover, it must be a very easy thing to incorporate.
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My instructor slapped me on the back of the head if i did that.
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Ah ! .....it all starts to make sense now......
;-)
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My Turets syndrome started shortly after, is it connected?
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There was a German lass called Rapunzel who had that as I recall......
;-)
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My Turets syndrome started shortly after is it connected?
Correct spelling is Tourette's syndrome.
alfalfa
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Is it now. I never knew
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Is it now. I never knew
Obviously not.
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"Yet another micro-car appeared in 1956 claiming to be "the cheapest car in Britain". Like many other similar designs the Tourette was based on motorcycle running gear and offered the most basic accommodation and poor performance. By the time production ended in 1957 only around 25 cars had been built."
(via Google)
Tourette's syndrome = a condition suffered by someone who aspired to a Reliant but hadn't got there yet.
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A graded scale on the dashboard that went from green to red.
Every time you commited a minor infringement it would nudge closer to the red. A clock mechanism would nudge it toward the green.
I can't think of a suitable punishment when it went full red, but possibly along the lines of the penalty you get whenever you get caught just over the speed limit, or straying one wheel into a bus lane. You get the idea.
Bitter? Moi?
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A little foot spa under the pedals with gently circulating warm water containing Epsom salts to wiggle yer plates in on the way home after a long day.
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A car engine that runs on water.
Despite all the people that say it cannot be done, all it needs is for someone to make a "breakthrough discovery" chemical process to separate water efficiently to make hydrogen and oxygen.
Just because it hasn't been done yet, does not mean that it is impossible.
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Sunvisors that do two useful things: swivel properly to the top of the driver's window (perhaps a second visor for the purpose); feature a shiny mirror on the outside to hurl the blaze of brake light dazzle right back at the moron causing it. (Maximum 10 seconds to allow brake squatter in front to engage handbrake.)
Sorted.
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..... a limiter device which reduces a car's maximum speed to 40 mph when fog lights (front or rear) are being used.
And another which makes a car impossible to start after a headlamp bulb has been blown for over 24 hours. That gives drivers a whole day to get to Halfords.
There, that's two of MY pet hates off the road..... ;)
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"Sunvisors that do two useful things: swivel properly to the top of the driver's window (perhaps a second visor for the purpose); feature a shiny mirror on the outside...."
Minis have the second visor - the only car I know that does, although there may be others. Seems such an obvious thing to fit, and far better than the normal swivelling visor which you need to swivel on a bend just when you should have both hands on the wheel.
I have great sympathy for Humph's other dream inventions. The best position for a petrol filler is the one I had on my first beloved Austin A50 - nearside rear, horizontal on the level with the boot lid. Very easy for a hose to stretch over if you are on the 'wrong' side (as was the Ford Consul position mentioned by AE, but with that one you had to bend almost double to fill up). With the Austin you stood upright - and the filler, assisted by gravity, would accept the full flow from the pump.
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Some really silly inventions there....I sometimes despair of you lot !
My idea will benefit the car and teams of little old lady pensioners all over the country.
The sump cosy !
Knitted to the exact fit of your sump, fitted at the start of winter. This would keep the oil warmer and circulating better for longer periods. Your own car colour could be specified. Maybe for an extra charge, the logo of your favourite football/golf/vice club could be incorporated.
Luxury and upmarket models would be made in the finest Angora wool whilst cars belonging to lower class people would have recycled pullovers, etc.
So, anyone wanting to put monay into this venture should leave it in my name in a brown envelope behind the 3rd cistern along at New Street station. Thanking you in anticipation.
Ted
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I'd like to invent a pipe to blow in before the ignition can be switched on. Under the DD limit and it works, over the limit and it doesn't.
Pat
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I'd like to invent a pipe to blow in before the ignition can be switched on. Under the DD limit and it works over the limit and it doesn't.
But is would also have to be foolproof enough to recognise the driver and not one of his/her sober mates blowing in the pipe on their behalf.
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Inventing something is one thing, but getting it patented is difficult. Your inventions sound like they just use existing technology.
Edited by L'escargot on 04/02/2010 at 07:04
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well not invent, but see installed, a device which gives drivers a relatively small but very uncomfortable electric shock when they forget/refuse to indicate at roundabouts.
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What you need for tailgaters is a light in the back window pointing directly at the driver of the car behind that gets brighter the closer they get. Hard to drive when you're looking directly into a bright light.
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WRT l'Esc's objection to the lack of new technology, here's one that isn't just a re-working of existing components. I've wished for years for a machine that would get me directly from bed to neat, clean, shaved and sober without any of that faffing about in the bathroom. Ideally it would work in reverse at the end of the day - and both ways would be less brutal than Wallace's version. I reckon the combination could salvage an hour's sleep a night.
Not very motoring-related, I know - although it might improve my mood in the mornings, and hence my driving.
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- and both ways would be less brutal than Wallace's version.
This one? www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk6zbY8i4_8 (starts at about 1:10)
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