Basic auto electrical theory

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Fri 22 Mar 2002 15:38
Basic auto electrical theory - Alwyn
Joe Lucas, 'Prince of Darkness' .............You will understand
understand


> Here's some basic electrical information to help anyone with problems:
>
> Automobile Electrical Theory
> - or -
> A Treatise on the Importance of Smoke
> - by -
> Joseph Lucas
>
> Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
> transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
> manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes
> electrical circuits work. We know this to be true because every time one
> lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. This can
> be verified repeatedly through empirical testing. For example, if one
> places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery, prodigious
> quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases to
> function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
> component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed
> that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and
> inescapable!
>
> The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one
> device to another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke
> out of the system, nothing works afterward.
>
> Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
> some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke,
> requiring very unsightly large wires.
>
> It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly
> more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
> counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British,
> and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock
> absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British
> tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
> Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
> Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
>
> In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy
> in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
> electrical components - especially British units manufactured by
> Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
>
> "A gentleman does not motor about after dark."
>
> Joseph Lucas (1842 - 1903)
>
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Fri 22 Mar 2002 21:42
Re: Basic auto electrical theory - Andy
Reminds me of an article by (possibly) Keith Waterhouse back in the early 70's. In it, he was trying to fathom the workings of a domestic electrical system. He came to the conclusion that nothing electrical could work without an 'earth'.
Aeroplanes, he concluded, 'obviously make their own arrangements'.

It still makes me chuckle!
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