Over the next few weeks many of us will be on long journeys , looking for things to pass the time.
Years ago, with my kids, we used to play "pub cricket" , but with so much motorway mileage this doesn't work ..but I have come up with a game where we spot other road users ( of course only to be played by passengers !
When you are "in" you are aiming to "spot a twonk" .. identifying features in other roadusers which score points .. you have an "innings" , which would be a fixed time- say 5 minutes per person.. and if you score 100 in your innings you get a "twonk" - highest number of twonks wins.
Scoring
LIGHTS- no lights in rain , mist or darkness -10 points ; parking lights in rain, mist or darkness -5 points ; unnecessary fog lights 5 points - stupid blue lights 5 points
PLATES - unfunny messing with numerals or letters 5; ludicrous typefaces 5 points , with a bonus 5 for copperplate
BELTS - driver unbelted 5; both at front unbelted 10; children unbelted 10 , special bonus of extra 5 if child is standing between front seats and just behind handbrake
PHONES- normal handheld only 2 points , but 5 if you can prove he was texting
MANEOUVRES- 5 each for- slip road to lane 3 in one movement; overtaking within 100 yards of exiting the motorway ; top-class slipstreaming so close to the car in front it looks like it's towing you ; specila bonuses of 5 for completey unannounced lane-changing , especially if that is as the traffic is queuing for an obstruction
HOURS OF FUN
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Cheers! Will have some fun with this over the festive period.
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how many point for the guy yesterday a.m., stuck in a queue of traffic and too impatient to get to his christmas shopping, undertook several hundred yards of traffic with his o/s wheek in the cycle lane and n/s wheel on the pavement.
No, he wasn't turning left.
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Bonus point, please: Neanderthal in queuing traffic overtook (all wheels) on the pavement, revving to blazes, to get past a car that wasn't meeting his requirement to move instantly as the queue shuffled forwards. All the tell-tale signs were there: white baseball cap, football-club seat covers -- sorry if this offends anyone, but the signs are all too reliable. (Incident a couple of months ago in Herts)
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What - no point for the middle lane hogger doing 60 with at least a quarter mile of clear inside lane in front of him? Suppose it would be termed an "easy single " in cricket. And extra points for each car "queueing" behind him.
Points for the women checking/applying make-up - bonus if it's a man.
Points for people reading a map when driving? Bonus if it's a novel/newspaper being read?
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100 bonus points to do what my uncle did in the Eighties: Lean over to retrieve a cassette from the glovebox of his Montego, only to wander to the left whilst so doing and hit the only hard shoulder obstruction (a broken down juggernaut) in several hundred miles of journey. He ended up spinning like a top down the motorway, eventually stopping whilst facing the wrong way, in the outside lane. Not a soul hit him (a further 50 bonus points), and there was no secondary accident in the resultant traffic queue (another 100 points and big letter of thanks to the Lord).
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A few months back, I was waiting to cross a busy dual carriageway at a junction. I saw a young girly in a Clio approaching the junction who, in addition to driving, was talking on a mobile phone and smoking a cigarette. Without any indication, she executed a U-turn at the junction and across the two lanes of traffic coming the other way. Although she pulled this off without dropping either phone or cigarette, a serious accident was only avoided by the driver of an oncoming 5 Series taking extreme evasive action to avoid her. I don't think the Clio driver even noticed how close she had come to becoming a "Darwin Awards" nominee.
How many points would this qualify for?
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Bagpuss. No points at all, none not even a bonus point.
This is exactly the way a clio would be driven in Paris, so its just doing what it was built for.
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What about 5 points for school run mum who manages to drive her kids to school looking through a 6" square hole scraped in the ice on her windscreen....and leaving ALL the other windows untouched too!
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Anyone had this happen. I've had it twicw now in the last 2 months.
One one occasion waiting to turn right onto V busy main road, second time waiting to cross dual caridgeway into middle holding lane (which was full) so could turn right.
Bloke behind on both occaisions waiting to turn left, gets fed up having to wait full minute or so so pulls round and across me and turns left.
Charming!
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LIGHTS- no lights in rain , mist or darkness -10 points ; parking lights in rain, mist or darkness -5 points ; unnecessary fog lights 5 points - stupid blue lights 5 points
Are there extra points if the stupid blue lights are flashing at the time?? ;-)
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