Nice one AE. oilrag is an inspiration to us all.
In my hitching days, in Northumberland I think, a hen pheasant flew into the windscreen of the Standard Vanguard I was in (two miners, I think, in the front). It landed fluttering and injured in the road behind and the driver stopped the car. Being the hitch-hiker I got out and ran back, I thought, to put it out of its misery. Tried to stretch its neck as I had seen a farmer's wife do many times with chickens, but the damn thing was so strong that in desperation I put my foot on its head in preparation for giving its feet a good pull. One of the miners came up laughing, took the pheasant out of my hands and tossed it, still fluttering, into the boot.
Last time I posted this I commented on what a nation of animal lovers we are. Pretty tough love sometimes.
Edited by Lud on 26/10/2009 at 15:36
|
We hit one hard with the Morris Minor in 1962. Dad driving of course and aimed staight for it on a country road in the old Esat Riding of Yorkshire.
Being peasants ourselves we saw it as food and it was quickly dispatched - to emerge at dinner (or tea as we called it then in the days before being, seemingly educated by the BBC)
Tough like leather and it had dented the Morris`s wing, leaving the mirror forever at an angle - a reminder of it being not the weapon of choice for the discerning heavy bird eater.
Years later, a girlfriends father - hypnotizing young pheasants with his stare (in the gardens of the estate where he was the domestic burser) and the pocketing and eating with wine and secret gloating over his masters.
Many years later, in Scotland on the road between Inverness and Fortwilliam, dusk falling. A flurry and heavy chicken type thing, not quite clearing the windscreen from the side. No trace, although probably gasping nearby and cursing the motorist - or possibly welcoming the fast track to oblivion as an better alternative to being stuck in Scotland due to having short wings.
Edited by oilrag on 26/10/2009 at 16:13
|
>>or possibly welcoming the fasttrack to oblivion as an better alternative to being stuck in Scotland due to having short wings.
As I am an Englishman in a foreign land to the north, I wont bite.
The pheasants may not win but they make a mess of your car trying.
Edited by Old Navy on 26/10/2009 at 16:20
|
As I am an Englishman in a foreign land to the north I wont bite.
In the lands of the North, where the Black Rocks stand guard against the cold sea, in the dark night that is very long the Men of the Northlands sit by their great log fires and they tell a tale...
|
Pheasants ? Pah ! Small fry in the world of road kill misery !
In the small hours of one wet morning I had completed my task and recovered a poor family and their defunct car to the safety of their home in Horwich.
Returning empty, I chanced across a car, stationary in the middle of the road with three or four persons gathered around the front wheel.
Being a gentleman of the road, I stopped to help, my orange beacons lighting up the scene.
The problem ? They had interfaced with a poor animal that had run at them from the side of the road ...This unfortunate creature was jammed firmly iin the wheel arch, precluding further automotive progress !
I helped them remove it....no wonder it was difficult, it was a golden labrador.....and it was quite dead !
Ted
|
|
|
|
STOP PRESS:
A bird believed to be the last surviving capercaillie demolished a car believed to be the last surviving Citroen 2CV on a minor road in the Trossachs yesterday.
The road was closed for several hours while council workers cleared it of debris and feathers. The driver and passenger of the car, believed to be enthusiastic bird-watchers, are recovering from 'serious' injuries in hospital.
'It was like being hit by a B-52,' said Mr Ernest Twitcher from his hospital bed earlier today. 'The car wasn't looking too clever after that, I can tell you.'
|
I kilt a big cock pheasant stone deed wi the ould BX
Hit him dead centre o the No plate, took a lump outta it too
Judging by the noise it were a quare crack on the head he got
So I stopped and collected him for the pot.
I did a right double take when he picked himself out of the floor of the boot and hopped up onto the back of the rear seat.
when I ascertained I wisney seeing things
I stopped, opened the tailgate and off he flew, straight & true
.*********
but there wasnt.
|
i cannot get my head round/remember that that other sodomy word is banned
Then i got a ph call that needed dealt with so missed the "edit" window
it was about a man with a gun waiting in the field to shoot the poor sodomite out of the sky
After I had released him an all
cheers
M
Edited by dieseldogg on 26/10/2009 at 16:55
|
I can't believe I'm reading this:)
Have you all gone barking mad?
Pat
|
|
Ah good, a sensible female has arrived, that should sort us out! :-)
|
|
|
|
Sorry Pat. Red or blue, screen wash?
|
This thread is really about the triumph of the rat over the car, on the rat run.
And the Essay`s are back with new rules ;-) (submit in secret, even from yourself...)
Edited by oilrag on 26/10/2009 at 17:19
|
This thread is really about the Triumph of the rat over the car on the rat run
.....unless it was a Mayflower and then it would have been squashed!
|
|
Wibble wibble....signing off for now, time for my injection.
Ted
|
|
|
Now look, this really isn't fair!
I have a good old salty, smutty, lorry driver sense of humour and constantly sit here trying to restrain myself to appear respectable on here.
I'll have you know my colleagues have called me the flying witch for some years now:)
now, can we have some decorum please and get back to normal.
Screen wash?...................that's what the fitters put in the lorry and Mr pda puts in the CRV isn't it?
Pat
|
|
There`s a title for you Pat ;-)
|
|
The Essay`s are back with new rules - submit in secret.
Edited by oilrag on 26/10/2009 at 17:28
|
Metal vs. protoplasm indeed.
car vs. sheep:
not recommended, especially at speed.
Gory doesn't begin to describe it.
|
Back onto rats on the road. Ive seen a few recently near a certain fast food place on the local retail park. I was first aware of it seeing fear in the young female workers faces as they put boxes in an area at the rear.
Right across the inner city dual carrigeway, the retail park continues and within a stones throw is the competing `other big name` fast food place.
No big deal these days of course - expected in the (perceived) debasement of culture - the throwing unwanted food on the ground and so on. But what if someone swerves onto the pavement to avoid crushing furry little ratty as he transfers from one eatery to the other?
I wouldn`t wish any harm on Ratty. An enterprising little fellow, no doubt with his own family and a preference for a well done steak - but having to make do with a burger due to the Americanisation of the food chain.
|
I seen a lotta rat in my time.
In Algiers the locals often claim they are cats. They could sometimes pass for such in a poor light being the biggest damn rats you've ever seen in your life...
Heaven knows what happens to people who eat or in some cases smoke their excrement.
On a visit to an African country our monarch was once seen eating some bushmeat, or sitting in front of a plate of it anyway. Some comic had the headline next day: THE QUEEN EATS A RAT
Some years ago I had a drink with my eldest daughter, then a barmaid at a pub on Camden Town junction. A friend of hers came in and sat with us for a minute or two. She produced a white rat called Henry, dyed pale turquoise, which sat charmingly on the table eating peanuts. The manager came over and chucked Henry out, so the friend had to leave too. I seem to remember her hair was also dyed in some fetching shade.
It's hard in London, hard.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
did you have to make a real effort to get it AE?
|
Re rats & cars
Seems the car thieves in Dublin hit on a handy tip ( for a while leastwise)
Before air con ruled
Anyways they waited until they seen a woman in a flash motor stopping at the traffic lights with the drivers window down.
tossed a live rat in da winda
a high %age of the women let a squeal outta them & jumped out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition
Slimeball slips in and drives away
simples
really
Or is this merely another Urban Myth?
Edited by dieseldogg on 27/10/2009 at 08:45
|
|
|
did you have to make a real effort to get it AE?
No. Such was its determination to prove it was top cock, had I been stationary it would have come over and nutted my radiator.
Its arrogance was only outweighed by its utter stupidity. Dumber than a sheep by a long way.
|
Must have been some Dalmatian breeding in there somewhere then
Ok
Back to howling at the moon
|
|
|
Its arrogance was only outweighed by its utter stupidity. Dumber than a sheep by a long way.
It's a bit much to call a pheasant arrogant AE. I doubt if they've got the brains to be arrogant. I understand one way to catch them without wasting ammo is to feed them raisins soaked in rum. They get so, er, ratted that you can just grab them.
Never tried it myself though. Can't spare the rum. I used to assassinate them in the manner of the Sicilian Mafia, but it's several years since my last pheasant wet job. Oddly enough I have become kinder and more squeamish with age.
I wonder if oilrag's parents knew about draping the bird in bacon before roasting it and putting toast underneath it? Might not have been quite so tough like that. But they often are a bit tough. A lot more athletic than chickens.
|
Is it safe to come back now?
Have all the magic mushrooms gone?
Pat:)
|
"I wonder if oilrag's parents knew about draping the bird in bacon before roasting it and"
Pheasant handed to Great Aunts, (ex Crimean war veterans).. actually, Lud.
Not much hope of that - we once found them cooking a large turkey over two days, letting it cool in between sessions.........
Fortunately I was aged 16 by then and had my first bike outside. So able to slide away and leave the adults to their `cooking` (and eating) and.. next day, predictably...
There was a 1950`s Austin in the background with about 6 inches of free play in the steering.
Edited by oilrag on 27/10/2009 at 18:07
|
I once ran over a badger in a Cornish country lane well late at night. It ripped out my speedo cable from the gearbox (mk2 Escort Ghia). I'd tried to miss it by driving over it, i.e. missing it with the wheels, but the clonks underneath didn't sound good. I wasn't brave enough to look underneath where i'd stopped, had visions of the thing having a 'pop'. It must have run off though as it was nowhere to be seen when I drove off and wasn't behind me in the road.
Wife's sister mullered {typo amended} her 1 series BMW when she hit a deer in Glen Coe early one morning.
They say if it's smaller than a dog it's safer to run over it....big as or bigger than a dog, try and miss it....(I appreciate Chihuahua's are pretty small, but you get my drift)
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 27/10/2009 at 19:09
|
|
A large seagull flew into my radiator grille once. Went straight through in slices and began to fry on the radiator. Stank to high heaven.
|
You sure it was a rat Oilrag and not a Siberian Hamster.....?
I've hit a fox which damaged the number plate , had near misses with deer and once spectactularly splattered a pigeon which flew into the grille of my Polo at 70 mph on the old AI - clouds of feathers everwhere .....
Plenty of dead badgers and a couple of dead deer seen on the roadside recently round our way.
|
I've got to plead guilty to a few cases of "faunaslaughter"
4 x pheasants
1 x duck
1 x rabbit
1 x hedgehog
2 x owls (one of which tried to catch the offside front marker light of my bus - all I saw was a pair of outstretched talons which seemed to be coming directly toward my head)
2 x endangered species (not specifying what in case Bill Oddy is on here)
|
I was delivering some computer bits to a factory (motoring link) whose purpose was to sanitise and turn around those green plastic crates the fruit and veg live in at supermarkets. The incoming crates were, therefore, a bit "fresh"... Whilst waiting for the transport clerk to book me in, something the shape of a rat, the colour of a rat and the size of a VERY BIG rat scuttled past my feet and disappeared between some stacks of crates. The conversation I had with the warehouseman (while he was concentrating on some paperwork) follows:
Me: Did you see that blooming rat?
WHM (without looking up): It wasn't a rat, it was a mouse.
Me: It was a very big mouse, what on earth do you feed them on?
WHM: Lorry drivers...
Edited by Dave_TD {P} on 01/12/2009 at 22:07
|
|
|
|
|
