I don't think I've ever had the windscreen thing, I've got a quickclear windscreen you see so it's almost never misted up ;-)
The other night a very very drunk mate tried to open a bottle of Poppers in my car, I quite impolitely informed her that if she tried to open it once more she would be walking the 10 miles home in the rain.
Blue
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"People who who run your car down. "Mine are electric. Mine are adjustable. Mine go up and down"
Had more than my share of these in the last to weeks since I beamed to planet Skoda.
Also
"They're really Volkswagens now you know"
I know that you planks !
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"They're really Volkswagens now you know"
My old man drives an Octavia which is "really an Audi you know"
Except he pronounces it "Ordi" and it makes my skin crawl.
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Just happened again - BiL come in from looking at it saying "its a VW your know" I've just told him that his Tornado's really a Mirage/Fokker mongeral that shut him up !
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Its a VW jim but not as we know it.
------
< Ulla>
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People who ACTUALLY HAVE THE INCREDIBLE NERVE to put their feet up on the facia. There really are such. It is a way of showing you that they are relaxed, not intimidated etc. Best way to get me to intimidate you by far.
Anyone except me who leaves litter in my car, if I notice it among all my own litter.
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Passengers who refuse the offer of putting their large bag in the boot, then scratch the facia/glovebox as they stuff it between their legs into the footwell.
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Lud - you might like to meet an aquaintance of mine. Many years ago, as a Venture Scout he was offered a lift in somebodies brand new Capri. Still in his work clothes, (jeans & steelies) he proceeded to jump in the passenger seat, put his feet on the dashboard and consume his tea which consisted of a four-pack of yogurts (one slurp to empty each yogurt) and a pack of digestives (no crumbs there then).
I'm sure you'lld get on very well with him ;-)
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passengers who lean over and turn your wipers on just because its raining
passengers who lean over and turn your lights on just because its dark in their opinion
passengers.....................FULL STOP
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Passengers who get road rage on your behalf when actually, you're not really bothered about what's just happened.
Passengers who reach across and put your main beam lights on/off.
Passengers who reach across and beep your horn for you when they feel it's needed (see number 1).
Actually these are all habits of one particular passenger!!
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"Passengers who get road rage on your behalf when actually, you're not really bothered about what's just happened"
My PA specializes in this.....I make her drive now.
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Actually these are all habits of one particular passenger!!
HWMBO, PG?
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Except he pronounces it "Ordi" and it makes my skin crawl.
My grandad used to pronounce it like that too! I had a friend at junior school who used to always say his uncle had a "Sabba" instead of a Saab, i wonder if he was dyslexic.
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Passengers who exaggeratedly lol their head forward and back with every gearchange, even when you get changes as smooth and seamless as possible.
My Grandma was terrible for it, she must have a loose head. My girlfriend sometimes now does it to try and wind me up..
My g.f. slams the tailgate as if she is trying to smash the glass; when you can just let it fall the last 6 inches under its own weight to close it.
;o)
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Must be a grandad thing, mine always pronounced it "Ordi" too. Japanese cars were sometimes "Mistibushees" or "Toy Yotos". . .
There was also a friend of my grandparents, similarly aged, who I remember visiting to tell them he'd got a new car.
"Its a skoodi" he said.
"A what?"
"A skoodoody, you know, a skoody!"
"You mean a Skoda?"
"Thats right, a one of those Skoodies"
Eventually I went outside to have a look, it was infact an Audi 80 :)
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Picking up teenage girl hitchhikers and being molested.
madf
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Picking up teenage girl hitchhikers and being molested.
my therapist did tell me i wasn't the only person to have that dream
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Passengers (mainly non-driving 'er indoors) who say things like "Is this a 30 limit?" without taking into account the speedometer inaccuracy or parellax errors.
--
L\'escargot.
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My wife who regretably has an advanced driving qualification ( I don't ) saying things like " you didn't need to change gear then y'know" Yes dear ! Grrrrrrrrrrr
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Its got to be the greasy hand on the glass at the slightest sign of mist.
Edited by oilrag on 24/11/2007 at 14:16
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People, often mild-mannered intellectuals, who shut the doors with the unexpected violence of enraged gorillas.
People, nearly always women or children, who baulk at wearing seat belts in the back, and when they do wear them hold a large loop of belt out of the inertia reel so that in the event of a violent deceleration it will, with luck, hang them with the precision of an Albert Pierrepoint, but without luck may kill a driver or front seat passenger.
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Passengers who wave thanks when someone lets the car they're in out at a junction.
I'm more than capable of conveying my own appreciation, thank you very much.
DB.
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People ( usually MIL ) who insist on passing sandwiches, crisps, drinks , mints etc round the car when you are only going about an hour up the road. General mess ensues but the same family member who sends in a SWOT team if a stray crumb appears on a kitchen work surface seem to think the inside of a car has the same hygenie status as the inside of a wheelie bin !
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Actually I have myself sometimes been one of those passengers who operate the controls when the driver seems to be slacking. I have never quite gone as far as operating the clutch by stomping on the driver's foot, but it has been a close thing sometimes. Certainly I have seized the wheel and operated the handbrake on more than one occasion. So far I have never been whomped upside the head with a mobile phone or similar as punishment, but I wouldn't really blame a driver - however slack and incompetent - for resenting such interference.
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Lud
Doesn't that sort of thing get you banned from London Transport's vehicles....?
Edited by Screwloose on 24/11/2007 at 14:58
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SWMBO who puts her handbag between her right leg and center console and when I go round a corner it flops either to her leg or console and when I say move your pink fluffly bag she says "why" grrrrrrrrrrrr
Dave
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 24/11/2007 at 20:57
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Anyone who wears a seatbelt diagonal strap under their arm. Do they think it looks cool?
One passenger in particular who refuses to wear a seatbelt because "I've heard too many stories of people being trapped by them".
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A certain passenger who stated " I cannot get in the passenger door its too close to that other car, so I will just stand back here wait until you have reversed out.
After an annoying crunch of a paper thin Mondeo bumper ( in my blind spot ) having gently kissed a badly placed building support, to be greeted by " Didn't you see that pillar? ". Grrrrrr !
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An Irish friend who has owned a lot of Porsche 911s fell out semi-permanently with someone he drove to a funeral in Cheshire. The passenger, a foghorn-voiced schoolteacher, spent the whole journey drinking cans of lager and throwing the empties over his shoulder while talking incessantly and chain-smoking. Reproved for stubbing out a cigarette on the leather facia covering, the passenger, by now well oiled, said something graceless about insurance, company cars or something of the sort.
My Irish friend refused to bring the passenger back to London, but later forgave him and allowed him to stay for a fortnight in the pub he owns. The definitive break came after the guest had drunk an average of 18 pints of Stella a day for ten days, paying for few of them and often serving himself, while intimidating the pub's working-class regulars by bawling about politics, and appalled the pub cleaner by being discovered unconscious and surly in the bar at 8 a.m. when she turned up for work. Even a relaxed and witty paddy can get a bit short-tempered when dissed in his own pub in front of the staff. Running a London boozer is fairly stressful at the best of times after all.
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The answer to all this gobsmacking misogyny is simple - instead of driving round in people carriers and five or seven-seaters with variable configurations and all that sort of thing, why don't you just drive cars with as few facilities for passenger carrying as possible?
Mine has just one extra seat with a door leading to it and it can only be used if no crumbs are dropped whatsoever...
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Same here Mike, Can`t beat a van can you ;)
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Toddlers (specifically BarchToddler) who projectile vomit all over the driver (me) as they are getting them out of their child seat on the way to a Thanksgiving lunch.
BarchToddler later ´gave thanks´ all over the upstairs landing of the unfortunate thanksgiving host´s house.
Parenting eh.
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"Toddlers (specifically BarchToddler) who projectile vomit all over the driver "
I recall being told by my mother I vomited all over the interior of my uncle's brand new Daimler something .. I must have been around 6 at the time.
I believe the smell lingered for years.
Fortunately I don't recall it..:-)
madf
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My father had a Morris Minor pre '63. My Cousin puked down his back and neck at traffic lights in Uxbridge. He told the tale for years. Quite funny if it ain't you!
MD
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Most of it missed the upholstery, thank the Good Lord, otherwise a thread would shortly be appearing about ´How do I remove the smell´etc etc. Can´t say the same about my natty moleskin jacket though, which will quite possibly never be the same again.
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Friend of SWMBO has a unhealthy attachment to her dog.
A lovely woman, but whenever we give her a lift we always go in the scrumper Punto - no matter what the event. We find that she always deposits liberal quantities of the dog's hair over the rear seat - I think she must have it on her lap at all times!! And the 'doggy stink' that seems to permeate our car afterwards...
AA
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I've just realised how bad a passenger I am. Normally after a couple of drinks, I surf through endless tracks on the iPOD, I fiddle with the air-con, I moan about going too fast, too slow. I have various lights on.....
Edited by Pugugly {P} on 24/11/2007 at 21:01
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People who leave dandruff on the headrest...
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>>...... hang them with the precision of an Albert Pierrepoint ...
Those were the days!
--
L\'escargot.
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You should read his autobiography - precision doesn't do him justice!
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A couple more I've remembered from my mis-spent youth. I used to hang out with twin brothers I went to school with (for a long time they "shared" a driving licence, as only one had actually passed the test...)
On one evening ride (I was front seat passenger) one of them suddenly hurled into my lap a dead rabbit they'd run over previously that evening. Once over the initial shock, all was quiet until the same brother tried to smother me with a cloth soaked in chloroform he'd "borrowed" from the school chemistry lab that week. (I nearly broke his nose for that in an uncharacteristic outburst of aggression!)
A scene I was not party to occurred some weeks later when one brother sitting on the back seat of the family car started making out with his girlfriend, obliging the other brother (the one without the licence!) to keep driving at all costs. After some scary moments in urban traffic and I imagine a few major violations of traffic laws, fourth base was reached as the family Talbot Sunbeam lapped a certain motorway roundabout for the eighth time (eat your heart out, Henri Toivonen!)
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SWMBO sitting in the passenger seat waving "thank you" to a car that had given way to me. This offence has not been repeated.
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Please do not use the doors as air-brakes
that from some time ago - and more recently:
please do not drop the rear seat backs and rummage in the boot.
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throwing rubbish ripped into small pieces out of the sunroof and saying 'i love weddings'
certainly made the tailgater drop back though
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"What are we doing, preparing for takeoff? You'll have my sandwiches in your lap in a minute!"
Memorable remark by one of Mrs B's uncles, on an occasion when I was doing him a pretty big favour by going several miles out of my way to collect and drive him and his unhygienic spouse to a family function that MY family had agreed to host to help with costs.
The thing that prompted this was my doing an indicated 75 mph in the inside lane of a deserted dual carriageway. I came dangerously close to leaving him in the next layby with an invitation to travel the rest of the way by Shanks's pony.
Oddly enough he didn't ask for a lift home. Perhaps it was my body language that deterred him. Perhaps I'm being unreasonable here, but I will not be told how to drive my own car by any passenger (except possibly Mrs B).
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When I was minicabbing in the 70s, one of the firm's accounts was with the UPW (post office workers union, now renamed), and the mutton chop-whiskered Tom Jackson was a frequent passenger. Once, with a couple of his officials (but not him) and two visiting American post office union men, one of whom was sitting in the front, I started to carve through the traffic in the southbound carriageway of Park Lane and was making good progress when I noticed a sort of distressed wailing noise on my left. Sure enough the American union man was cowering in his seat with a theatrical, but possibly genuine, expression of terror on his face.
The UPW man in the back made me proud though, lounging back with an air of ostentatious enjoyment and saying: 'Don't worry, they always drive like this, and we're a bit late. You'll soon get used to it.'
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i can hear the duelling banjos now that ive read that bilboman!!
Edited by milkyjoe on 26/11/2007 at 18:38
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I'm sure there's a bit more mileage in this thread!
Recent addition: two colleagues of mine, both gentle natured and polite, and good drivers but, as I have recently noticed, NOT good passengers. Folding arms, sitting back comfortably and enjoying the ride is incinceivable...
Both will slam the passenger door with the unexpected violence of a cuckolded baboon and then go quiet. Once the journey gets underway, both will grab on to the (usefully-named) grab handle and cling onto it like the aforementioned primate at any speed above 10 mph, adopting the protective "foetal" position until the end of the journey.
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Perhaps it's your driving.
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