Once upon a time, I had my car and my wife had her car. I loved my car and looked after it as well as I could, parking in remote spots at Tescos, going slowly over the speed bumps (or driving an extra mile to avoid them) and making sure it was serviced on time and by proper Subaru people. I knew it was "just a car" and didn't want to get too sad about it but wanted to make sure it would live a long life and function as it had done from new.
My wife on the other hand couldn't care less...to her, a car was purely a thing to stop her getting wet or catching the bus...she had a nice new Scenic but to her it was "the blue car thing". If it got pranged in the car park or scraped against a gate post then it was no different to stubbing your toe...a quick expletive and move on.
Inside, you couldn't see the carpets for spare shoes, bits of old maps, sweet wrappers and assorted kid's paraphernalia. One of the seats had a half-digested boiled sweet welded to it. It even had a snail in it for a couple of months - rescued from the local tip. It eluded capture but left trails all over the roof lining and windows.
But, I told myself, this was fine. People are different. Some care about these things, some don't.
But one day, not so long ago the contract expired on the Blue Car Thing. It had seemed a good idea at the time, Contract Hire - get a new car, easy monthly payments. But time flies and suddenly the men were round with their handheld computers entering the details and condition of the car and calculating the excess payment we would have to make before they took it away to be resprayed and industrially cleaned prior to a sad end at some auction house.
Suddenly My Car became Our Car. And today was the day where she came back from the shops with that sort of look on her face...the look where you can tell that she's thinking "if I don't tell him he'll find out because he's sad enough to spot these things so I better tell him...without trying to laugh".
And in the scheme of things I suppose it wasn't too serious. No one was hurt. I'm just surprised that when doing 10 mph and hitting a kerb to avoid "a bunch of motorbikes" so much damage can be done to an alloy wheel and a 1000 mile old tyre. Plus the puzzling fact that it's a rear wheel and she wasn't in reverse or, and I quote, "I don't think I was in reverse".
Never mind, a fun few days and pennies ordering a specific tyre which took 3 weeks to get last time, getting a new wheel and discovering what interesting shapes the rear axle, rods, arms, whatever, have been turned into on an Impreza should do me the world of good.
So please, when you're talking about your Autoglyms and your Clay Bars and a whole Sunday in the sunshine spent looking after your pride and joy, remember, there will be one less of us out there this weekend.
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Hard luck son, I know how you feel.
When my partner and I met the first thing (almost...) I had to deal with was her old Metro, which was devoid of any vital fluids and a total embarrassment.
Like many would-be spouses, I thought 'don't worry, I'll keep her away from my lovely P6 V8 and I can change her attitude'.
But I couldn't.
Now I try and find her things to do so she stays away from the cars - just as well she's a brilliant cook...
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My ex wife was much the same.
When she gouged virtually the entire side of her Rover 416 auto ( a good Honda engined one ) she said it was like that when she came back to it.... unfortunatly, as I have worked at a bodyshop, i have a clue about what does what damage and it was way too deep and at wrong height to be caused by another car... and in the end when we spilt, she admitted it was a low wall that she took out because her music was so loud, she didnt hear the impact and proceeded to take out the front bumper, front wing, door, rear door, wheel arch and finished with the rear bumper... thank god marriage isnt permanant, id never have stayed sane!
She eve used to ring me up at work because she kept flooding her Talbot Avenger, yet whenever I got there, I had no problem starting it. I wonder if your average woman has a feel for whats going on with their cars.
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Never mind contract hire. Get this lady a cheap strong banger, fast. It will be best for yr relationship in the long run, something she too will be sure to understand.
Superbly written post by the way. Chapeau.
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My old dutch is mechanically unsympathetic. I am surprised that she doesn't actually have a very large collection of handbrakes the way she pulls them up................Oh! and boot lids that close inwards.
VBR.........................MD
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I like the handbrake pun......brought a real smile to my face.
Like all good jokes it's totally true. Even though our garage floor is so flat the car doesn't move even in neutral, the handbrake cables are tighter than the nut that holds the propellor on the QE2.
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My mum bless her, been driving 32 years and she still hasnt quite mastered reversing, even with reversing sensors!
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Must be lucky then. Wife does all the fluid checks and tyres on her car. Mum is also a good driver- and can be quite quick (Dad once woke up in middle of France when she stood on the brakes- by the time he woke up and looked over she'd got it down to 110mph).
Brother in law on the other hand is atrocious. Had to tell him he was driving with rear fog light on- he didn't know and had to ask me where the button for it was. Drove to holiday destination a couple of years back, didn't bother to look at a map. Luckily mentioned it to other bil 2 days before leaving that was going to head totally wrong way that we managed to put him straight. Does very few miles- just round town, yet has had a few scrapes. Not been in a car with him yet. My wife has said it's for the best.
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Even though our garage floor is so flat the car doesn't move even in neutral, the handbrake cables are tighter than the nut that holds the propellor on the QE2.
And that is even funnier. I had tears i can tell you.................Brilliant
VBR MD
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the wife slammed the door on my car the other day and she was told if she ever did it again i wanted a divorce (actually i said she would never sit in it again) she has her own car that she washes once a year whether it needs it or not the alloys have been removed and all odd wheel trims that i collect over the months have been fitted......
What i never understand is there is more earth in the boot from garden centres than we have in the garden yet my boots immaculate...
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Good OP. My GF can't understand why I feel sentimental and want the best the car I drive. However she is a non driver so I can see it from her side. Just imagine if women got as sentimental toward cars as they get towards cuddly toys. My GF gives all her cuddly toys names but can't understand why I don't just think of my car as a collection of metal and fluids to get me from A to B, and no I don't name my car!
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Ah the women drivers in my life,
RF wife. We have a standing order down at Halfords for cheap wheel trims. Every six months regular as clockwork when the last one turns into a lace curtain, off we go. It was funny recently during new car hunt epeisode. In Seat dealer, Nicolle said she would like to have alloy wheels. Blazing row ensued in front of salesman where RF was heard to exclaim loudly "Far sooner burn 50 pound notes"
Even funnier at the Renault dealer when he was valuing the clio, phoning up his colleague to get a valuation he said "Non Renault Wheel Trims" RF falls about laughing and Nicolle throws a "rip your guts out with a tyre lever stare" at me then at salesman.
The RF matriarch has a clio too, an oldie 1996. Its in good nick serviced every year, She likes to keep the stone chips at bay, but has the artistry skills of Salvador Dali, Hence no rust or stone chips on front but lots of things that look like melting watches in a smaller scale painted on it.
She is a quick driver too, the throttle has two postions - Off or floor. Same with the brake. Remember the first time she took the dog home for the weekend, All i could see was black legs tumbling around in the rear window as she shot down the road. Poor Fifi, she has never since been a good traveller.
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TourVanMan TM < Ex RF >
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My GF gives all her cuddly toys names but can't understand why I don't just think of my car as a collection of metal and fluids to get me from A to B, and no I don't name my car!
I asked a few of my bears, who unanimously pronounced that when you start cuddling your car, she may understand the sentimentality :)
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I asked a few of my bears, who unanimously pronounced that when you start cuddling your car, she may understand the sentimentality :)
LOL
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So true OP - I feel for you
I recently bought a black Leon Cupra (after receiving some good advice here) and in 2 months my beloved wifey has:-
Made the edge of the drivers door white with chips by repeatedly bashing it into the wall along our drive.
Scuffed the front bumper when dragging the wheelie bin past.
Scratched the rear corner by bashing it with her bicycle brake lever when 'in a hurry'.
Scuffed the back bumper by reversing into a wall - "i was seeing how far back I could go"
Whenever I protest, my plea that every scratch causes me physical pain and anxiety is met with a dismissive 'it's a family car what do you expect"
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I was feeling so much better reading your similar tales....until this afternoon, that is.
I had a meeting at the bank in the local town today. My wife came along as she needed to sign some documents. I was driving.
It's only 15 minutes into town and it was a pretty silent journey - I'm concentrating on trying to feel if there is anything untoward with the car's handling, she's pretending to feel guilty. She directs me to a multi-storey that I haven't used before which is very busy but eventually find a space next to a car and the perimeter wall.
It's a fairly tight squeeze as I drive into the space, carefully, but with the confidence of someone that has pretty good spatial awareness and car control. Then I hit the perimeter wall with the front nearside wing.
"You've hit the wall", she said. I just sort of sucked air through clenched teeth.
I haven't bothered to look at the damage yet. I think I don't care anymore but on the plus side my wife seems a lot happier this afternoon, for some reason.
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>>I haven't bothered to look at the damage yet. I think I don't care anymore but on the plus side my wife seems a lot happier this afternoon, for some reason.
Maybe you should check all the damage to your car, your wife might have scrapped it and you had not noticed. She feels better because you just did the same.
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Roger
I read frequently, but only post when I have something useful to say.
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Within three weeks of buying my wife her car she had
1. Scratched the o/s quarter on the gate post coming into the drive
2. Tried to do a u-turn out in the sticks. Scratched the front valance and kinked the black lip spoiler
3. Scratch on the bonnet where she put her bags.
She has a huge bunch of keys which she knocks against the door when she's unlocking it. She also slams the rear hatch shut with the same bunch of keys hanging in the lock. There is a various assortment of melted sweets,chews and chocolates inside the car.
Her general response is "it's just a car". I feel like throwing paint all over the living room carpet (she's very house proud) and saying "it doesn't matter, it's just a carpet" Only problem is that I'm the one who'd have to pay to replace it.
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Her general response is "it's just a car". I feel like throwing paint all over the living room carpet (she's very house proud) and saying "it doesn't matter, it's just a carpet" Only problem is that I'm the one who'd have to pay to replace it.
Maybe not paint, but wear some nice muddy boots and clothes around the house, or drop your dinner on the floor and leave it there - isnt a carpet there to break the fall of any stray carrots and peas?
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Have to say that getting into my other halfs car today (first time for a couple of days) I found a childs rocking horse sat on the passanger seat next to me!!!!!!!! it's a good job the kids feet dont reach the floor yet when they are sat in it, as she has turned the floor space into spare storage space (complete with plastic stacking boxes) for the kids toys!!! I wouldnt mind but they never play with the toys, so we end up just carting them around for no reason - still gets them out of the house I suppose!!!!
Then theres my mother who has designs on becoming the UK's version of Emalda Marcos - and starting her collection in the boot of her Rover 75, though it is now over spilling into the passanger foot well!!!!
And to think the pair of them give me grief about the state of my office at home!!!!!!!!!!!!
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At least all your wives admit their errors!
I remember Mrs. S. driving into my newly built brick gatepost with her Consol/Granada. ( ok it was many years ago, but hey, she also has a long memory for my misdeamenours) I was working in the garden and saw the top sway but despite this and the crack at the base she flatly denied that she'd hit anything.
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One mans junk is another mans treasure
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No telltale marks on bricks or bumper pst?
My life too is full of irksome mysteries to which I suspect someone living may hold the key,
It's getting them to let go of it that's the problem. Awful the way political comportment leaks via the media, especially TV, into real life.
Sometimes I fear the whole interpersonal thing is going to become a tornado sucking the entire human race and all its doings up its own fundament into a black hole.
And serve her right.
(Only kidding, up to a point).
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What PST needs is a replacement.
Some one suggested an old banger. Certainly there are lots around but although they may look ok at first glance a careful inspection underneath will often show sagging supension and body rot. Your average old banger will have been handled by sales reps and god knows who all and serviced by some greasy oik in a disreputable back street establishment. Better to look for something younger and many backroomers will recommend the Asian models. Well styled, economical, starts up every time you want. Hard to do better than an Asian pickup.
Once you have got your replacement wife post back on here and let us know what you want in a car.
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There must be some deep psychological reason why the sex which will be driven to insanity because none of their fifty pairs of shoes match their new handbag are happy to drive round in a car that looks like a disgusting pigsty. The very car they bought only on condition that it came with colour coded bumpers.
Someone has just posted on a cycling forum that he caught his wife using his best bike to hang socks on to dry.
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Robin Reliant, formerly known as Tom Shaw
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The final exhaustion of the world's oil supplies and the subsequent end of private motoring just can't come soon enough, can it? (Shame there won't be any more laughs in here though...)
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One fireworks night years ago the wife picked me up from the farm in my Range Rover, when we came back she dropped me off to take a tractor home and trying to beat me up the road reversed bang into another tractor, right along side me.
I walked over stiff with fury and safe in the knowledge that it was entirely her fault and found her calmly staring out of the windscreen.
After one or two Hampshire type expletives and many observations of her and other womens driving she turned to me and said, "well it wasn't there earlier".
Also on another farm my neighbour had a Cortina estate (when was the last time you saw one of those) and his wife was forever walloping the gate post on the way out of their drive.
One night ,Crunch,she did it again and he went loopy.
Grabbing the car keys he went down the local to calm down in sympathetic company.
Feeling better and a little guilty he drove home hoping for a little forgiveness at his outrage, and WALLOP, clouted the gate post.
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Cortina estate (when was the last time you saw one of those)
As it happens, an uncle has just had his 1969 Cortina 1600E Estate professionally restored!
Absolutely true!
What is also true is what he said to me on Monday "I wonder if it's the only 1600E Estate left in the country as unlike the 1600E saloon it was only built to order and had much lower production numbers."
He purchased his second hand from FoMoCo with 8k miles on the clock, has owned it ever since, and even drove it for a holiday in the Soviet Union in the seventies.
I can't remember the exact mag (Practical Classics?) but his 1600E was the subject of a multi page spread a few months back.
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Is my wife the only one that puts the bottles in the boot to go to the recycling place and they're still there weeks later?
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No she isn't, Nsar.
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Mine puts all the bottles and cans in the black kerbside recycling box, then puts the box in the car to get rid of them at the supermarket... Now you might understand why I am occasionally sharp tongued on this site, I am driven to the point of insanity!
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Every time my wife parks we return to the car to find "Police Aware" stickers on it.
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My wife:
> Drives with mechanical sympathy, awareness, and planning
> Tells me if ever something doesn't feel or sound right with her car before it goes Pete Tong
> Parks both to perfection and where she's less likely to be door dinged
> Abides to the letter by what I ask her to do (such as "new brakes; please bed them in" or whatever)
> Seeks an explanation if she doesn't understand why, and then goes away happy with the knowledge
> Keeps her car's boot empty and tidy
> Is proud of her car (a pert and shiny 1995 306 Sedan that she won't let me sell on)
In return for which I
> maintain the car
> clean the car
> tolerate the cacophony of cassette tapes rattling in the glove box
Costs don't come in to it as all dosh is "ours", collectively.
Looking at you lot, I got a very, very, good deal!
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No; I do that as well, they rattle around in the boot with the empty de-icer & WD40 cans.
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>>Is my wife the only one that puts the bottles in the boot to go to the recycling place and they're still there weeks later?
Mine only does that with bottles that contain about half an inch of dregs. Or tins with the last bit of chopped tomato/tuna/sardines sitting in them....Until the first corner :(
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After much abuse of his cars by his wife, my brother has found the solution, a diesel turbo maestro! Reasonably rot free, spacious, very good on fuel, easy and cheap to fix.
Personally I'd strangle her or buy her a bus pass.
Steve.
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Xantia HDi.
Buy a Citroen and get to know the local GSF staff better...
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"my brother has found the solution, a diesel turbo maestro"
I hope he signed a pre nuptial agreement? The divorce is going to cripple him
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TourVanMan TM < Ex RF >
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At least she won´t take the car.
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If a Maestro is the solution it must be a pretty silly question
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I think he'd save money in the long run with a divorce....
Steve.
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Xantia HDi.
Buy a Citroen and get to know the local GSF staff better...
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