Advice please folks,
My girlfriend passed her test about 5 months ago and she scares me witless. I actually fear for my life every time I get in the car with her. Only yesterday we drove straight across a cross junction because she didn't see the road markings. If anything had been coming either way, heavens knows what would have happened.
She doesn't seem capable of driving in a straight line very well, either driving over every drain or over every cat's eye. I've seen her mount kerbs, reverse into my car, do 90mph in driving rain with 20 yard visibility....all sorts.
I honestly worry about her every time she goes to work. What can I do to make her realise that the standard of her driving is utterly shocking.
p.s. I'd love to meet the guy that passed her. :o/
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Enrol her on an advanced course as a present.
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Enrol her on an advanced course as a present.
Not unless far0n wants to rename the thread "The standard of my (ex)girlfriend's driving."!
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Not unless far0n wants to rename the thread "The standard of my (ex)girlfriend's driving."!
That depends on how he phrases it. Something like "You are clearly a natural, my love, where I'm just a poor male dumbo. Have this advanced course on me so that you can really develop your full potential."
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She wasn't in the Wandsworth one way system at approx 12:15 saturday lunchtime was she?
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Is her driving really consistently terrible?
Or is there another cause? Is she doing these things when distracted by radio, phone, whatever?
Is she maybe a lot more nervous with you in the car, and therefore makes more mistakes?
If she's really as bad as you say, it seems amazing that she's passed a test.
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She failed her first test 'cos the examiner had to grab the wheel. She was seconds away from hitting a cyclist. Trouble with the driving test, is that you only have to drive well for a very short amount of time. Get that right and you're through. At the moment she's swerving when she reaches for the radio, suffers from female road rage and will surely only be weeks away from points or an insurance claim.
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Don't forget, if she gets six points within two years of passing, she goes back to being a learner. This only takes two camera flashes to achieve.
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This will be a severe test of (a) how fond you are of her - to keep taking such risks whenever she is driving (b) how fond she is of you - to accept your word that some action is needed, and soon. I hope you stay together ...
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"If anything had been coming either way, heavens knows what would have happened."
I can tell you exactly what would have happened in precise detail if you would like. I was unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end of a driver who didn't see/understand the road markings at a crossroads in liverpool.
Two written-off cars, three people in hospital and at the end of the day, somebody's insurance company (not the driver, he had lent his car to a friend) shelling out in the region of £10k.
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Some of this actually sound like eyesight.
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At the risk of receiving acidic outburts of infuriation from our lady readers.......There was an article in the paper yesterday(forget which....but it wasn't the Beano or the Dandy)to the effect that women are predisposed to a lack of spacial awareness from before birth. Something to do with a lack of testosterone causing a perceived inability to discern shapes and spaces etc. This means, apparently, that they are generally less able to park well, or judge distance at speed etc.
Now, I am not saying I agree with this, just reporting what the paper says study has shown.
My own scientific test is this. You are on a side street approaching a T junction to a main road. There are cars parked both sides of the side street. As you approach the junction, a car careens into the side road from the main road. Leaving you and the other driver no where to go.
I would say that nine times out of 10 it has happened to me, it has been a lady who turns into the side road from the min road without checking if something was coming up to the junction. I find that men tend to have a shuftie to see what is coming before pulling fully into the side road.
Having said that, most of the ladies realise their mistake and do wave an apology. Apart from the ones on their mobile! The one man gives flips you the finger and expects you to reverse 200 yards to make way for him.
So, you can't have it all.
OK Ladies, your turn....have a pop.
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There was an article in the paper yesterday(forget which...
It's the last item at tinyurl.com/6vdul
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Sorry guys, its not just the ladies who have poor driving skills .... try getting into a car with my husband.
Seriously though, his driving has got worse over the years, lots of bad habits. Has a nasty habit of breaking as he drives around corners, using one hand only at the bottom of the wheel, reving the engine loudly or causing the car to kangeroo when changing up gear.
I am not saying women are the best drivers, I admit they are not I have experienced many who just pull out of junctions staring straight ahead, just stop in the middle of the road with no warning to pick up their kids or friends and struggle to get the smallest of cars into/out of the largest of parking spaces. However, how does a woman tell her man his driving is carp?
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"Has a nasty habit of breaking as he drives around corners,"
Wind?
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"how does a woman tell her man his driving is carp?"
Well, mine isn't backward in coming forwards, if you know what I mean. I get gasps and groans from the passenger seat for ages for the smallest infringement. I once had an email from her 30 minutes after returning home (together!) from a motorway trip where I had rather overdone the speed, even though there was never the slightest element of risk (middle of the night, no other traffic etc). Apparently I'd "spoilt the whole night out" by hitting three figures...
But if I make the smallest most inoffensive witty comment as she corners over rather than round the kerb, all hell breaks loose...and more often than not, as stated elsewhere, it was my fault anyway, somehow... :-)
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My step-daughter was much the same after passing her test. Absolutely terrified anyone who drove with her. The family all pointed out a variety of failings with varying degrees of tact, which only made her mad. Three years and about 4 minor accidents later (smacking into parked cars etc) she is now a much calmer and better driver. Try and avoid being given a lift by her for a few years....I don't think saying anything is likely to be well received, sorry.
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I have a similar problem with her indoors, though it's not as serious as yours (thank heavens!)
Recently I was being driven on a longish journey with her and found she was going into blind corners too fast.
Experience has taught me that you can't ignore the possibility of something stationery the other side of the corner, so I pointed this out to her in a factual way. "Would you have been able to stop in time if a child had fallen out of that hedge and was lying in the road?"
Made her think.
Far0n, I think your GF thinks it's just great to get behind the wheel of a car. I don't know how old you are or how old she is though I suspect she's in her late teens. To a certain extend there's little you can do, apart from point out the obvious in a tactful way.
The problem is that she may ignore or rebell against well meaning concern until she learns the hard way, when it will be too late for any of that advice.
Have you tried having a discreet word with her parents or other family?
H
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Some of you may recall, that I purchased an unusual Christmas present, for Mrs V. A 1/2 day driving with www.ridedrive.co.uk
She actually appreciated the gift - surprise surprise & is arranging to enjoy it, this week, weather permitting..
It seems that, from what I can see, we ALL could benefit, from this sort of 'extra', driving experience.
I'll keep you posted!!
VB
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Sounds like a combination of eyesight and PMS - one can be dealt with. Don't scoff, a number of my female friends are very sincere in wishing that both could.
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I love the way that a man can have an off day whenever he likes but with a woman, it has to be PMT.
Anyway...
I became a slower driver when I got my first three points.
I became a better driver when I crashed into the back of a lorry on the M6. Even better when one decided to crash into me.
Avoid getting in the car with her, even if you have to say "it's because your driving scares me." If what you say is true, it wont be long before she learns the best lesson of her driving life by having a collision. I just hope she drives a Polo and not a flimsy silly car.
(No, not even a little bit tongue in cheek. Every single one of us thought we were invincible until that first near miss or collision.)
If it's any consolation, she's almost certainly a better driver when you're not in the car. Is there any way that she could gently be directed to accidentally find this thread?
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Give her two apples and send her on a journey to Northumberland.
DVD
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It has been proven that women are safer drivers. I'd rather get into a car with a careful lady driver than a rep tooling up the M6. Some women are bad at driving and some men also, same with most things in life.
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>>It has been proven that women are safer drivers.
No, it has not.
Statistically women have less accidents in a given time period and those accidents tend to be less serious (expensive).
However, statistically women drive less miles within a year and on less busy and less fast roads.
So the fact that women have less accidents in a time period is a part of the story. It makes them better risks for an insurer.
(please don't tell me that you are female, drive at 1 billion mph on the busiest roads in the world - we're talking big picture stats here).
However, don't compare a careful lady driver with a rep going up the M6. The likely reality is that a female rep hammering up the M6 for the 10th time that week will drive in a pretty similar manner to a man in the same circumstance.
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please don't tell me that you ...... drive at 1 billion mph
Now that's the model of car I'd like ~ where can I get one? ;-)
--
L\'escargot by name, but not by nature.
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"she's almost certainly a better driver when you're not in the car"
OH! I see! Its the blokes fault! Of course, how silly of us men folk not to have known that!
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You paint a poor picture of your GF driving. If this was a mate i.e. not female you would either tell them or not travel with them. For your piece of mind and your GF/passengers well being I would adopt the same approach. Some police forces hold driver assessment type courses, however there is a risk here that she cools it for the day and the instructor doesn’t pick up on her bad approach to the road and you get it in the neck and she is now even closer to the accident she is clearly heading for. Do we assume you drive and if so how long ago and what experience do you have. I ask this because you seem to be the passenger more than the driver and she may not have much regards for your opinion if you also have only recently passed your test. You must address this issue before it all goes wrong. Regards Peter
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"she's almost certainly a better driver when you're not in the car" OH! I see! Its the blokes fault! Of course, how silly of us men folk not to have known that!
No I think PoloGirl has a point. If you're a nervous driver, you're going to be worse when you know you're being observed by someone. I have a friend who told me his early driving traumas were caused as much by a poor choice of passenger as anything else.
I have another friend who was a frighteningly bad driver after she'd passed her test. I'm sure my obvious gasps of fear when she made a dangerous mistake just added to the problem. I really did try not to react. She's a much better driver now, but that's because she's a lot more confident.
On the other hand, far0n hasn't stated that his girlfriend is nervous, or has any awareness of how bad she is, so maybe his presence makes no difference.
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You might be able to get her to do Pass Plus on the grounds that it might reduce her insurance premium. Does her car have P-plates indicating she might be aware of her deficiencies?
I don't hold out much hope for continuing the relationship and criticising her driving. It's a truly British thing not to able to tolerate criticism, however constructive it may be. Mrs H and I seem able to exchange information with each other about driving issues, whoever is driving, e.g. "this is a 40 limit" without falling out, but we have known each other for about 30 years.
Good luck, sounds as though you'll need it.
Hawkeye
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Stranger in a strange land
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My x-wife was a great driver, she just couldn?t be bothered with the drudgery of it all and her mind would wander or she would apply her lippy in moving traffic and such like. In the last few months I was with her, she had no less than 14 prangs in her ?97 company Mazda 323, varying from broken lamps and shattered skirting to hefty wallops that left the doors jammed shut. I remember that car for not having any rubber protection around it whatsoever, useless in London. But she didn?t care, she wasn?t paying the insurance, her employers didn?t care, she was making a lot of money for them. I occasionally had to get out to stop someone from kicking her head in but generally I just read a paper and paid no attention whatsoever, lest I be called as a witness. The problem was finally resolved for me when she divorced me and stole my house.
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You need to make her aware of the problem. How you do it depends on her, on you, and on your relationship.
Not many people will respond well to you shouting "Crikey, *****!!!! what on earth are you doing??!!!" The only way that might work is to gently explain what has gone wrong and offer her some advice backed up with a solid rationale as to why she should listen to you. But of course, some people won't take any advice and only an accident will sort them out. I just hope that you can do something to improve her driving if it is indeed as bad as you say.
I'm pleased to report that on the weekend, for the first time ever, I fell asleep in the passenger seat while my girlfriend was driving. We've been living together about a year, and in the early days I'd be highlighting something that she'd done which was either dangerous or bad for the car every few hundred yards. I didn't dare take my eyes off the road, let alone have a kip. I always tried to stay calm, but it seemed that sometimes the overly calm and detatched commentry came across as condescending - this often infuriated her. But after a while she decided that the only way to shut me up was to listen to me and take heed, now she's a better driver.
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"But after a while she decided that the only way to shut me up was to listen to me"
She is taking no notice whatsoever but is thinking up ways to steal your house!
Nicole is a good driver, safe and makes good progress albeit without any mechanical sympathy of flair. Easy to kip in a drunken stupor when she is driving.
Mère Papa on the other hand is a real backseat driver. "Are you in the right gear"? "shut up mother you are only licensed to drive an auto so what do you know"
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I'm pleased to report that on the weekend, for the first time ever, I fell asleep in the passenger seat while my girlfriend was driving.
Don't worry, another ten years and you'll be able to fall asleep when she's doing almost anything.
*almost*
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Falling asleep when my daughter is driving is called nonchalance.
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"My x-wife had 14 prangs" That's what really annoys me, you get 3 points for speeding but no points for an at fault accident.
This woman is causing misery and thousands of pounds worth of damage to other motorists cars and no-one gives a toss. Take her licence and put it in the bin. For each at fault accident you should get an automatic 3 points. The road would be a hell of a lot safer for us all.
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Hear hear. Fine actual incompetence, not potential error.
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Mattster
Boycott shoddy build and reliability.
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Advice please folks, My girlfriend passed her test about 5 months ago and she scares me witless. I honestly worry about her every time she goes to work. What can I do to make her realise that the standard of her driving is utterly shocking.
assuming you are serious, which i doubt:
do society a favour, be a responsible citizen, and do your duty by reporting her atrocious driving to dvla and/or police. she could kill or maim someone.
this is no different to reporting a drunken driver.
go on, save someone's life, and maybe hers too. get her off the public road.
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"This woman is causing misery"
Oh yeah
You know what else she did? If I was driving, she?d lean over and sound the horn at pedestrians on zebras, van drivers and any other road user that was bigger than me. Soooooo aggressive, yet such an angelic face...
Her new husband is tiny. If her driving doesn?t kill him, a white van driver will.
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lol
nice thread, made me laugh.
Seriously tho, my wife was the same, absolutly pink fluffy dice driver.
untill she crashed into the back of someone, in my sexy blue met 216gsi rover about 9 years ago.
she now drives at least 2 to 3 seconds behind people, in stead of 1 tenth of a second up their
best thing is, just dont travel with her.
get rid and get a new one (GF)
or tell her she is carp and she will dump you.
either way it aint looking good kiddo :-(
dave your ex-w sounds a nutter, u best off without m8.
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i had the same fear when my wife passed last year, and would sit with everything clenched as she failed to see potential problems day after day.
i realised that she was not driving well with me because a)she was scared of my judgement and b) she just didn't have the experience, both miles under her belt and having had things go wrong.
i decided that she was going to injure herself or someone else quite soon so really concentrated on giving her more experience. i told her to have a running commentary in her head of what she could see and try to spot those things that could turn into problems. within a few weeks she was transformed and actually began to enjoy driving. i'm now concentrating on the finer points with her - smoother gear changes, lines through corners and overtaking and she's doing brilliantly. you need to have a frank conversation with your girlfriend and take a lot of the responsibility for her driving.
i think part of the problem is that when a women passes her test she sees it as the end point of learning, ie the examiner think she's good enough to drive, therefore she is. there's rarely that ambition to become better and better over the months and years.
i'm amazed at the sloppy driving of female friends who have been driving for years - riding the clutch at lights, kerbing, grating the gears everytime they go into reverse, not lifting off the brake as they come to a standstill causing your head to be thrown around. many of these things seem to stem from a lack of technical knowledge - they think a clutch is there to ride at lights but don't realise it wears it out quicker.
one woman who i'd love to be driven by was sabine, the german girl who was on top ear the other night, driving clarkson's car round the nurburging - wow.
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"your ex-w sounds a nutter"
I?ve got the ultimate revenge planned. I use her lottery numbers but I put them on three times for each draw so she can never win more than a quarter of a jackpot.
Sweet.
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A lady of my acquaintance completely demolished a petrol pump while mmanouvering into it at a filling station. She said to me that she couldn''t underdstand how it happened because "I was only in second gear".
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>>I?ve got the ultimate revenge planned.....
You only have a 1:14,000,000 chance of pulling it off, but I do have to admit it'll be impressive if it comes in.
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So revenge is winning, say, £2 million for her (instead of £8 million). Funny old world.
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I like the sound of your revenge Dave, that's very funny :)
[SNIP !]
[drivel deleted] Oh please, take the schoolboy purility somewhere it will be appreciated - i.e. not here. Mark.
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There's a little schoolboy in all of us Mark.
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but not all of us flaunt it in public. Well, not often anyway.
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My neighbour told me of the lady who was about to take her test, and was very nervous, and worried that the nervousness would show. The instructor gave her a strategy of asking whether the tester was comfortable, and making sure by checking seatbelt, door etc. The lady was in such a state that she reached over too soon to check the door - before the tester was fully in, in fact. She pushed him while he was off balance, and he fell out.
I'm sorry to upset you Polo G. Your understanding of PMT v/s PMS differs from my friend's.
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