You might have heard these, but there amusin anyway and maybe some of you can think of some more.
IF MICROSOFT MADE CARS.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road, all cars over two years old would need a new engine.
Occasionally your car would stop on the motorway for no reason. You would just accept this and restart and drive on.
Now and again when you selected reverse your car would stop and would not start again till you removed and then refitted the engine. For some strange reason, you would also accept this.
You could only have one person in the car at a time unless you bought car98 or carNT. But then you would have to buy more seats.
Mackintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, twice as fast but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
The brakes would say "Are you sure?" before operating.
When you turned on the heated rear screen, the indicators would only work above 50mph.
You would crash twice a week, and you would have no idea what happened.
When you put luggage in the boot, at the end of your journey half of it would have disappeared. You would find it on the roof rack one month later.
The oil, petrol and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single general purpose warning light.
Changing to a different brand of fuel would cause the engine to cut out everytime you turned left.
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Very amusing, Tom.
Sounds like my OLD computer!!
Rgds
David
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Or any BL car of the seventies!
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You approach a corner at speed in the wet. You've misjudged your entry speed a bit and stamp on the brakes, relying on ABS and electronic stability control to get you out of trouble.
At this point a message appears on the dashboard display:
'Error reading drive C. Abort, Retry, Fail?'
You, like your computer, crash.
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I believe that this was the reply to the statement that went something like "if cars had progressed at the same rate as computers over the last ten years then you would now be able to buy a car that did 5,000 miles per hour for £500"
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After upgrading the headlamp bulbs, the engine would not shut off until you had disconnected the battery.
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The story has been embroidered in the telling and may even be apocryphal but legend has it Bill Gates gave a speech at a COMDEX exhibition with the line "If auto production had advanced at the same stage as technology, then we'd all be driving cars that cost $25 and did $1000 mpg".
The alleged rebuttal also included the remarks:
- all models would be available the year AFTER their designated model year;
- re-starting the vehicle when hot would require holding on to the steering wheel, the door mirror and the antenna at the same time;
- all cars would only run on Microsoft Gas;
- unless the full set of makers' manuals was purchased along with the car, it would only develop 50% of its power;
- the auto industry would be subdsidising the US Government and not the other around;
- airbags would enquire "Are you sure?" befor deploying;
and ...
everyone would require the same size butt....
Mind you, Gates had a point, given the fundamentally still quite primitive nature of the automobile now vs. 60 years ago underneath all the dress-up gadgetry.
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With all the electronics built into cars nowadays (see sep. thread), isn't it inevitable that Microsoft will end up in cars anyhow?
I'm sure I read somewhere that a French manufacturer (might have been PSA) was using Microsoft technology in its speech recognition systems... Myself, I prefer a normal windscreen to the blue screen of death!
Three MS employees going to work in their car - it breaks down for no apparent reason, but by switching off the engine and re-starting it, everything is fine......
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Six months after buying your top of the range car, a new model would come out. It would have a bigger engine, be twice as fast and give 50% more miles per gallon. It would also cost half the price you paid and would make the trade-in value of your car somewhere between a carton of milk and a cheeseburger.
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Iwish I had the copyrite on this it first appeared about 8 years ago and has being doing the rounds ever since
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You have to give Microsoft credit, we all hate their guts and yet we buy their stuff.
As regards the present correspondence, Supra can pull a fair amount of G; on the other hand, PC fell off the table when I just tried to shift it (mind you. it still works AS LONG AS I LEAVE THE CASE OFF).
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If you run out of petrol, just hit 'control, alt and delete' to re-boot!
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If microsoft built cars:
After buying your car you would have to repurchase it from them every 3 years, (but they'll update your seat covers with the very latest designs).
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