Sorry it\'s a bit long but I don\'t have the URL.
Apparently it was published in the San Francisco Chronicle.
Why I Egg Cars that Park on the Sidewalk
By Anonymous
I admit, I haven\'t lived here in San Francisco for twenty years, as some neighborhood activists are, so maybe I haven\'t earned the right to complain about the actions of others in the city, as they say I don\'t. But here is my story anyway. When I first moved here, in a working class neighborhood near Nob Hill, it was mostly an Asian neighborhood, parking was bad, but you could always find a spot. I have a motorcycle, so that never bothered me; I just parked between cars, or in my courtyard if it was raining. Anyway, as you know, yuppies started moving in, the apartment building next door to us sold, the 20 or so Asian families were booted out and it filled up with dot-commies.
So now, after 5 years of this, about half the buildings in my immediate area have been sold, renovated, etc. The good side to this is that crime and graffiti in the area has dropped, the bad part is that all these newcomers have about 2-4 times as many cars as the families they displaced. Whereas before 1 apartment had 1 family, they usually had one car. The newcomers, many of them subletting rooms out, usually have 1 car per room, or 3-4 cars per apartment now. So of course now there is absolutely worse parking than before. Again, this doesn\'t bother me, as I don\'t own a car.
What bothers me is that the newcomers feel that they can do whatever they want, and park where they want to. If they want to park on the sidewalk, or on the crosswalk, or on the property of the church across the street (usually in front of the front doors), they will. There used to be 2 beautiful trees in front of the church, now there is only one, the other being backed over by some idiot in an oversized SUV who was parking on the sidewalk. After he backed over it, he didn\'t even bother to leave; he kept it there all night, on top of the tree. So call me ****, call me nosy, call me whatever you want, but this really ****** me off. I like my neighborhood, I enjoy living there, I enjoy jogging and walking around in my neighborhood. I believe in going by the rules, also. So when some arrogant, self-absorbed yuppie-trash park their oversized, overpriced gas guzzler on the sidewalk outside of my house, I get ******. Who does this ****** think he is? Does he think he is such a big **** that he can park anywhere he wants, and the inconvenience of the rest of us? He probably does. Also, there is a handicapped man on the bottom floor of my building, he is in a wheelchair that he operates by a mouth controlled device. He enjoys riding around the neighborhood and likes to go down to Polk Street and watch the people go by. So when some moron with a car parks in the crosswalk, the man can\'t get off the sidewalk, as the area they usually park in is blocking the sloped part of the curb, the other corner being a 7 inch drop, so they guy is stuck and has to go the entire length of the block and hope the crosswalk down there isn\'t blocked either, and then backtrack up a block to go down to Polk Street.
So you can see that there is a problem in the neighborhood, and for some reason this really pink fluffy dices me off. When I moved here, I saw what the situation was like and I sold my car 2 months after I moved in. I bought the motorcycle and have never been happier, so I have no patience for these idiots to insist of having a car. So I tried to be firm but nice. I put letters on the windshields of the idiot\'s vehicles. It was a simple letter, something like \"please don\'t park on the sidewalk, I will call DPT\". Something like that, no profanity. I made up some copies at work and kept them by my door, and if at some time I noticed a car parked illegally, I put the note on it. So, after a few weeks I noticed the same cars parking in the same illegal places. The letters had no effect (what did you expect?)
So then I did start calling DPT, and happily watched as they went up and down the street ticketing cars left and right. This had some effect, and many stopped parking illegally. But, as in any war, there are always a few die-hards. There is one girl across the street from me, she can\'t be but 25 years old, about 5\'5, petite. She owns this big SUV, something like a Suburban or something. ****** huge. It is always funny watching her climb in to the thing, and when she sits down, she looks like a small rag-doll. Anyway, she always parks right at the corner of the intersection, blocking the sidewalk and crosswalk all in one sweep. Well, she is a die-hard. Letters and tickets haven\'t deterred her, I guess she has money or is just stupid. So finally, after coming home from work one day and basically having to walk in traffic to get around her stupid truck (yes, that\'s what they are, Trucks), I snapped. Now, I am not a violent person, but I have had enough. I am anti-materialistic, and the things I do don\'t bother or incovienience others, and I was just tired of it. I went up to my apartment and opened the fridge. I found some old spaghetti, a few eggs, and a jar of something unrecognizable. I went to my roof and poured, threw and dropped whatever I had all over Princess\'s truck. Then I went down and put a note on it, telling her that if she parked here again I would smash in the windows. Guess what? It worked. I finally got threw her arrogance and reached the materialistic side of her, I tarnished her \"image\", her \"reason for living\".
Now, she does park there or on the sidewalk sometimes, but it is usually for only a few minutes, and then she leaves. Fine with me. So now, I still put letter on the windshields of illegally parked cars in my neighborhood, and I even occasionally call DPT, but when they persist and insist of doing what they want, they get the egg. You can call me what you will, but know this: I go by the rules, the laws, and I expect everybody else to obey them too. It is enough that I have to risk life and limb when I ride my bicycle to work, dodging idiots running red lights, or talking on cell-phones and not paying attention, etc. But when I come home I want peace and calm and order. Yeah, so maybe I do have too much free time on my hands. Anyway, recently in a newsgroup I had a debate with some yuppie about the egging of cars. Here is a sample:
Dear Mr. G*****, Thank you for your letter, as it allows me to clear up some issues. First of all, I do not specifically target SUV\'s, I target any type of vehicle parked on the sidewalk in my immediate neighborhood, be it a SUV or a VW bug. And regardless of the \"practicality\" of owning said vehicle, it is no justification to park it on the sidewalk or in the crosswalk or block a fire hydrant, possibly endangering lives, is it? And no, I don\'t condone nor encourage damaging any vehicles, regardless of the offense, which is why I stick to eggs. It pink fluffy dices them off, yet does no damage, and it is effective.
\"P.G*****\" wrote:
What about those people out there that buy SUV\'s because it\'s the practical thing to do? If I did, in fact, own an SUV, how would you differentiate between myself, someone who\'d bought an SUV for practical reasons, and those people whom you rag in your letter to this list? The answer, of course, is that you wouldn\'t. Here is another question: how long do you think it\'ll take before someone a little more excitable than you steals your que and starts breaking windows and headlights on SUV\'s, instead of just egging them? Is this something you would condone, or maybe even encourage? What about if you get caught egging someone\'s car and wind up being beat up or arrested? I can guarantee you that if I caught you egging my car, you would not go anywhere until you\'d cleaned it off.
Well, don\'t park on the sidewalk and well never have to find out.
Have you ever stopped to consider this scenario, or do you just assume that all people whose purchase decisions you do not agree with have an obligation to submit to your acts of vandalism?
Once again, I could care less what people purchase, as long it doesn\'t effect my right to walk unobstructed down a city sidewalk or make me have to endanger my life by having to walk in traffic because the person is parked in the crosswalk. They don\'t care about us pedestrians, so why should I care about their image material?
It sounds like you spend an awful lot of time on the phone with DPT, making flyers, perpetrating acts of violence, albeit mild, against inanimate objects, etc. In short, it sounds like you have a good bit of free time >on your hands. Most of us out here are working very hard just to get by. I barely have enough time at the end of the day to do homework with my eight-year-old daughter.
Actually, I don\'t have that much free time, I have a full time job and take classes at night. I made up the flyers several months ago and made many copies, for several friends and me. I still have a box if you would like some. DPT is on my speed dial, so the whole action takes about 15-30 seconds to report an offender. Why do you sound like you are in defense of people breaking the law, people parking wherever they damn well feel like it? It doesn\'t bother you in the least?
SUV\'s pink fluffy dice you off? People with too much time on their hands that don\'t use it to further some constructive goal pink fluffy dice me off. Get a job, or another job. Go volunteer at a health clinic or a soup kitchen. There are plenty more significant things to be ****** off about in this world than inconsiderate people parking their vehicle of choice on the sidewalk.
Now you are getting a little carried away, you have no idea what I do (volunteer in the Marin Headlands building trails, despite my age) and I also volunteer in a computer center for inner city kids, etc). I also spend much time taking care of the elderly man downstairs in the wheel chair, who often cannot cross the street because the crosswalk is blocked by cars. He often has to go around it, actually on the street, endangering his life, which is why I started this whole crusade.
You\'ve lived here for 10 years? I\'ve lived here for twenty. I wish that all of you damn new-comers would just pack up and go back to where ever you\'re from. That way, all of us old-timers would have plenty of places to park, regardless of what we drive. How do you like them apples?
So only people who have lived here 20 years or more are allowed to try to change it or keep it the way it was, a pleasant place to live? I think a rule should be enacted, wherein anyone who voices a gripe or issue of any sort on this list should also have to offer some sort of a solution at the time that they voice their complaint. Something more intelligent than egging cars.
Well, you first. Do you have any idea about it? I tried all the \"legal\" ways. In my opinion, it is time for such drastic measures. Aren\'t you in the least upset by all that is going on out there? I know it is tough to own a car in the city, which is why I don\'t have one. And by the way, most of the people who did park on the sidewalks were young 20 something, self-absorbed yuppies.
So ends my sad tale. And yes, I still egg cars.
Furious Man
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