Have noticed here in the South West that the baseball cap brigade are moving up market. It seems they are no longer interested in Ford/Vauxhall tinware, but are belting around in old Merc 190`s and old E 30 BMW`s.
Is it any wonder that BeeM drivers (and soon Mercs) are getting such a bad reputation ????
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It's all part of New Labour's bid to improve educational and quality of living standards. I think there'll be a focus group report on it soon.
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in North Wales the've been driving around in BMWs for some time now although they've not yet progressed to wearing them back to front....apart from drivers who tow those jet skis on trailers along the A55 expressway at excess of 100mph that is !
AI
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People driving BMWs back to front! Towing jet-skis on trailers at 100mph!
I tell you what, I am feeling my age. I still remember thinking stick-out indicators on a Morris Oxford being pretty cutting edge.
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So did I on my Morris Minor until the bloke I gave a lift from work snapped it off twice in one week when he got out.
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"to wearing them back to fronts"
Saw a few of the old E30s back to front before BM got a handle on decent software though
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Anglesey Ian, does the local Chief Constable Mr Bronstrum know about this speeding on the A55?
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Talking about the A55, I bet that hump-back bridge near Q/Ferry is interesting at 100mph...
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What Bridge ? Whose ferry ?...Schtwm !
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Up here, in a corner of the north-west, they've moved upmarket from Nova GTEs to Saxos with BIG exhausts. Our local ones still live with their Mams & Dads; must be comforting for the parents to be able to hear little Johnnie coming home at midnight from a mile away - at least they know he's safe.
8 ball
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Any self-respecting Baseball Cap brigade member wouldn't be seen dead in a old Merc 190 or E30 BMW !! Why that would be worse than being seen in an old Omega with 2 child seats* in the back along with assorted cuddly toys, sweet rappers, crayons, colouring books .... you get the picture.
*Whether the seats are occupied or not doesn't effect the credibility rating.
Around here they travel 1st class - de rigueur seems to be E46 3 series convertible (preferably 330ci but 320ci will do, just dump the badge) in Black or Blue metallic with Tan or Cream hide.
Chad.
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I forgot to mention that the logo on your headgear is almost as important to the young Baseball cap brigade member as is the badge on the car.
The current favourite is fcuk, though the addition of wit would be more appropriate in my opinion.
Chad.
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Back up where my parents live - local pub/bar:
Doorman:
Tattoos (various)
leather jacket
bow tie
nasty look with matching attidute at no extra cost
Car:
Toyota Celica 92 plate
Lowered suspension
Full "Kev" (no offence to anyone called Kevin, twas always the standard term for me) stereo
17" v thin 5 spoke alloys
Brake calipers painted bright red
rear mud guards - left contains the word "****", right is "off"
wide bore exhaust
body kit
child seat in rear
Anyone notice the odd one out amongst the above?!
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Rather shows the standards of their literacy, I always thought. Funny how it's all the short named cars which get the attention Clio, Saxo, Nova, Corsa, so on...
What impressed me was their seeming ability to read Max Power, untill I realised it was a picture book of Mummy's boys and vaguely attractive girls, and required little reading skills after all...
Kev
P.S. I aknowledge and claim the irony of a 'Kev' commenting on 'Kevs'
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As Professor Richard Dawkins opined some time ago, wearing a baseball cap reduces your intelligence by 5% and wearing it back-to-front reduces it by 50%.
Personally, I think he was being generous...
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The other day I saw a fully Max Powered Toyota Previa Mk1!
Lowered suspension, big alloys, low profile tyres, side skirts, air dam, tinted windows. WHY??????
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These figures can be considerably improved on, indeed almost 100% reduction in intelligence has been claimed, almost matching that displayed by pond life, by wearing calf-length trousers 3 sizes too which expose 3" of underpant at the waist and daubing the hair into spikes with Vaseline. The constant body jiggling as though to some unheard primitive tribal dance provides useful aerobic exercise, and the slack-jawed drool look is considered way cool this season. L.A. Lakers oversize singlets in a perforated material similar to lightweight vinyl are much sought after despite, or perhaps because of, their painful yellow and purple combination.
Driving is carried out with the front seats so far back and lowered that, viewed from behind, the car in front may appear to be driving itself. High powered overtaking of all other traffic is de rigueur, along with then holding up said overtakees while crab-wising gingerly over the speed hump in front of them so as not to dislodge the chassis mounted purple strobe light underneath. Four front spotlights are a good number to have, and should be on at all times, although two are acceptable at a pinch. Use of the dipswitch is an art which has now died out all but completely, and now known mainly to much older motorists who used to work on US bases where driving discipline was rigidly enforced. Dotted small blue pink and red lights ensure the owner's vehicle may be visible to the hearing-impaired, who may not have heard the thousand watt catatonic beat from a trunk full of speakers and thus require visual warning of the testament to the marvels of futile and pointless electronics from Taiwan before they are flattened. Especially prized are the tiny battery powered valve caps, which naturally spin with the wheels and provide a stylish and trendy example of the automobile as art to the casual observer.
Of late we have noticed that the purchase of baseball caps with peaks at the back is diminishing slightly and taking their place are caps with the peak offset at 45 degrees to the front.
Unsurprisingly this species appears to congregate in groups of the male. Our local girls are much too lovely to be seen in any vehicle with one of these groups. The breed then complains that clean cut US Marines and polite foreign young male tourists are making unfair inroads with the local pulchritude. It is also widely held that the latter are more dimensionally interesting to young women than their less well-endowed car-loving countryyouth.
Oh yes we have our share of this ghetto-culture blight on humanity out here as well.
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Heavens above, were none of you lot young once? I bet a trawl thro murky pasts will reveal just as much outlandish behaviour and rebelion that your parents despaired at. Did none of you take the baffles out of your first motorbike? come on own up there.
Papa RF
Owner of a 13 year old, 3/4 length trouser and baseball cap wearing son. (who says he wants a saxo when he passes his test).
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Papa RF
Owner of a 13 year old, 3/4 length trouser and baseball cap wearing son. (who says he wants a saxo when he passes his test).
A Saxo!! A traitor among your own RF!!- it must be the rebelious nature of youth today. I'm sure you'll show him the error his ways and put him right by buying him a nice Clio instead! :-)
Chad.
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Well I admit with shame PC Vine once caught me riding my bushbike on the pavement....
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America's Rice-Boy culture seems to be spreading rapidly here in the UK. The typical Rice-Boy can be identified by his car, or rather what he does to it. Generally, Rice-Boy will start out with a car that was not meant to go fast (typically a Honda Civic), and attempt to 'fix it up'.
Personally I'm all in favour of it. I'm hoping that one of these 'honda hoons' is gonna want to pay me silly money for my modest little civic when i eventually come round to replacing it.
While I'm here may I take the opportunity to thank Growler for yet another most amusing rantpost. Brightened my afternoon.
Ed.
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Ah, that explains the young idiot trying to get his Civic onto two wheels around a roundabout in Gloucester yesterday.
I don't know whether they are still doing it, but the area SW of the A25/A322 junction in Guildford used to be swarming with these creatures on a Sunday evening.
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"..another most amusing rantpost. Brightened my afternoon."
Same here. I hope you're saving these, G, so you can publish them at a later date...
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d:-)
or...
q:-)
Vagelis ;->
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There was a good entry for Top Tips in Viz some while back:- Young Blokes-Can't find a baseball cap with the peak facing backwards? Don't worry just cut off the peak of a normal cap and sew it on the back.
Another vaguely relevant one was:-
Local Councils. Instead of wasting money putting speed humps all over the place, simply make anyone convicted of speeding put egg-shaped wheels on their cars.
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"d:-)"
Sideways is even worse!
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