Posted in News by Sniff Petrol on Monday, May 19th, 2014

The Defender Grylls Edition, yesterday

Land Rover has announced a new special edition Defender, created in association with leaf-eating discomfort enthusiast Bear Grylls.

The new Defender Bear Grylls Edition can be identified by its upper bodywork, which is entirely made of twigs, and its needlessly rustic front wheels. Keen eyed Land Rover fans will also notice that the headlamps have been replaced by fireflies in jars.

Inside, the Bear Grylls Edition dispenses with the normal Defender’s seats and replaces them with four moss covered logs while the floor is constantly damp and covered in insects. Detail touches include a central storage compartment stocked with a mysterious bottle of hotel shampoo and what Land Rover terms ‘Bear’s Refreshment Centre’ which, on closer inspection, is actually a flask of ***s.

The Grylls Edition features a bespoke sat-nav system in which all roads have been removed, encouraging the driver to reach their destination ‘as the indigenous peoples would have done’. Meanwhile, the gear lever has been replaced by a dead sheep’s leg and the steering wheel is held on by a poultice of sap and squirrel t***s.

The Defender Bear Grylls Edition will go on sale just after the September equinox and will cost seventeen leaves and a piece of bark including a III yeare warranty and a simply enormous amount of self-righteousness.