Annoyingly it's a manual, couldn't justify the extra money for the automatic but now I'm starting to wish I had. The handbrake has been pretty poor since I got it a few months ago, butt I put that down to the naff design of the adjusters. Still don't understand why both would lock on at the same time though if it's an issue with the brake internals.

The sort of car I'm familiar with has a handbrake cable going to a yoke which then splits the cable to the two brake drums.

On such an old school primitive car, both brakes starting sticking at the same time might indicate a frayed cable that was sticking inside its outer sheath and not releasing fully.

On a 2013 BMW I dunno.

Maybe a a computer virus acquired through the onboard data bus affecting multiple distributed processors.

Or crack propagation in the dilithium crystals (there are two of them, hence the di)

Or a warp in the space-time continium.

Or rust

Edited by edlithgow on 02/10/2021 at 09:43

You have a faulty ABS unit. Very common fault on the 1-series. Its holding fluid pressure to the rear calipers causing them to bind. Cure is to replace the unit. You may also find they brakes applying themselves when the wipers are switched on (I am not making that up!).

I was making mine up (apart from the first one)

Yet I still didn't manage to be as ridiculous as reality.