What is life like with your car? Let us know and win £500 in John Lewis vouchers | No thanks
Building up confidence for new driver - Burribro

Morning all,

Apologies if this doesn't belong here, if so, please delete as appropriate!

My wife passed her test in February and we found a nice little car for her, although it took 2 months for the sale to go through (Dealer was on holiday, then issue with electrics) and we finally picked it up on Sunday.

She took it out for her first solo drive yesterday, and scraped a car in a car park (related thread is in legal matters!), and now her confidence, which was low anyway, is probably at rock bottom. It doesn't help that she's a teacher and currently a lot of her form group are passing their tests and driving off just

Aside from getting her back into the car and getting her to drive me around (and some parking practice, probably in spaces next to my car) can anyone offer any tips to help bring her confidence up?

Building up confidence for new driver - lordwoody

Teach her how to park properly, I've just had my 3 week old Golf scraped by an idiot in a car park, if she can't park without scraping a car on her first outing she shouldn't be out on her own.

Edited by lordwoody on 12/04/2018 at 09:50

Building up confidence for new driver - Manatee

Maybe a Pass Plus course? She'll get 6 hours with a qualified and objective instructor.

I found that 'instructing' my wife didn't go well.

Building up confidence for new driver - Burribro

Funnily enough, we'd spoken about this even prior to yesterday. I was under the impression that pass plus was only for motorway/night driving?

Building up confidence for new driver - Manatee

Funnily enough, we'd spoken about this even prior to yesterday. I was under the impression that pass plus was only for motorway/night driving?

Is the problem confidence or the actual ability to manouevre? If the lattr you can practice with her, if the former then maybe some time with a third party will help.

PP certainly allows new drivers to experience motorways etc. but should be an opportunity to improve beyond basic pass level across the board. More skill should mean more confidence.

Building up confidence for new driver - Bolt

I had a sil like that and it wasnt easy convincing her that she had to take control of the car rather than being frightened by it

she had to take extra lessons along with being persuaded she is in control of the car, steering appears to be a problem with certain people, even younger drivers that do not seem able to turn the wheel as its needed(afraid the car will not go where they want)

also too many impatient drivers around as well who do not give learners a chance to move!

I wish they would do away with 10to2 handed steering!

Building up confidence for new driver - gordonbennet

I suspect the parking and close work is a major issue for her, whenever you drive at some point its going to get narrow and she's going to have to park, so that must be a constant worry for her probably affecting her whole journey and that's where i'd concentrate the practice.

This is something i always advise new lorry drivers to do, and its no different for car drivers, let her drive you to a large but as empty as possible car park, and select a well marked parking space nowhere near any other cars and with a low rear kerb if applicable so if she overshoots her own car it won't get damaged.

Then let her spend as long as she needs putting her car in that space, forwards backwards, looking through the windows, head out the driver's window, and as she improves make sure she can use mirrors too, there is no right way to maneuver as such we all do this rask differently, let her use whatever method works best for her.

Mirrors are most important, many people have them set too high, you need to be able to see the rear wheel (if the angle of the bodywork allows) in the mirror, as well as the painted lines, and as she starts to get confidence she'll be able to judge how central she is in the space.

Make sure she learns the difference between driving forward and reversing, when the car becomes rear steer, this seems to be an alien concept to many even experienced drivers who seem completely baffled by the way a car pivots, so don't forget the parallel park.

You could take some flat pack boxes, or cones if you have access to some, and as she gets better place them out as if they were parked cars, could always link some rope between them so the spaces beside behind and across from her are solid.

I bet after a few sessions her parking and confidence will increase dramatically.

Clean windows and mirrors are a must, if you can't see the battle is already half lost.

You can do all this together for free it doesn't need a paid trainer.

I don't know what car she has, but i hope it isn't an automated manual or dual clutch DSG type thing, because these are nothing short of awful for close maneuvering and make the close work task awkward for the best of drivers let alone a new one.

Edited by gordonbennet on 12/04/2018 at 11:39

Building up confidence for new driver - Leif
This makes sense. But don’t sit in the passenger seat commenting, let her get on with it, be positive and encouraging, so she learns at her own pace. Perhaps on her own, that might help.
Building up confidence for new driver - catsdad
Our daughter is late twenties but is short and can pass for a teenager she still need ID to get a drink. She passed second time and lacked confidence but was building it up.

Unfortunately she was hit hard by a recent encounter with a bully of a policeman. Accompanied by her boyfriend, who is a very experienced driver, she went through a roundabout following the lane markings and arrows properly and signalling by the book. A following policeman pulled her over, claiming she had used the wrong lane. As she looks so young I think he thought he was onto an uninsured driver and was then surprised to find her true age so to cover himself made up the roundabout point. He went full heavy with claims she had been fiddling with the radio ( also not true) and threats as to points and loss of licence as a new driver if he ever saw her committing an "offence" again.

She was left in tears and has hardly driven since. I am not anti-police and as far as we are concerned its an isolated incident. The unwitnessed nature of it meant it wasnt worth taking further and probably would have just meant their car would (coincidentally of course) be picked up regularly thereafter.
Very annoying though.

Building up confidence for new driver - gordonbennet
I am not anti-police and as far as we are concerned its an isolated incident.

My wife would completely disagree with that, isolated bully my foot, her daughter is an officer of a good few years service so no axe to grind there

Edited by gordonbennet on 12/04/2018 at 11:38

Building up confidence for new driver - SteVee

I'd recommend that the OP joins IAM or ROSPA. A new driver is an ideal candidate for their courses - and all you pay for is the test. Don't be fooled by the 'advanced' label, it's just plain straight-forward driving. You'll cover everything - but if you want to concentrate on parking etc they will do that.

My daughter used to have trouble with parking - she was with the Under17 car club at a time, but an instructor spent time understanding her problems and she has no problems with close control now - just as well as she drives in London.

Building up confidence for new driver - RodAston

If it would make her feel better, why doesn't she try another driving instructor, pay the £30 or whatever it is for an hour, and go over parking specifically?

I would also do what you say by accompanying her on drives for a little while, however, I'd make sure not to engage in any passenger driving as this will only knock her confidence more.

Good luck and let us know how she gets on. :)

Building up confidence for new driver - drd63

Or there is the expensive route, buy a new car with all the driver aids you can find. Front and rear sensors, reversing camera, lane keep, blind spot alert etc, etc. That lack of confidence could easily be a spatial awareness issue, can't do anything but help.

Building up confidence for new driver - bazza

Think you're over-worrying! Everybody miscalulates when a new driver, I still do it now after 40 years! One of the reasons it's less stressful driving an older vehicle. As for the police attitude, yes, had that too, so has my wife, unpleasant but no reflection on your good wife, they have a tough job to do and I think it gets to them.

Building up confidence for new driver - argybargy

I agree with that last point.

Rather than looking to acknowledge one's perceived failure to make it as a driver on the strength of just one incident, and by the sound of it a pretty minor one, she needs to continue to go out on the road and build her confidence. By all means accompany her whenever possible, at least during the early stages of the recovery of that confidence, and give her support, IF she needs it.

"Out on the road on your own" can be an intimidating place to be, but all those of us who have driven for years have been through it. Speaking for myself, a couple of incidents early in my driving career did indeed shake my confidence but in the long run, the fact that I was able to get back up and carry on definitely made me a better driver.

Due to an acute shortage of emergency response drivers I was coerced into taking an HGV course less than a year after passing my light vehicle test. After a minimum of time on the road as a car driver, I simply wasn't ready to move onto a larger vehicle. I had a couple of collisions in a fire engine (fortunately only minor ones) and did feel at one point that I might be better giving up and getting back on my bicycle. I didn't do that, and over 30 years later, I'm awfully glad.

Edited by argybargy on 14/04/2018 at 10:59

Building up confidence for new driver - daveyjp
You only learn by doing it.

Find a car park which is empty and go and practice manouvers. Start with simply reversing in a straight line, then driving into a space and driving straight through to judge steering angles. Then move to reversing into and from spaces.

When my dad taught he used to do 'soft skills' such as this and also refuelling etc.

Passplus is also worth it.
Building up confidence for new driver - drd63

Sometimes you just have to admit that something just isn't going to work for you. This might be one of those occasions. It's all very well saying just get out there and do it but remember it's other people and their property you're putting at risk.

Building up confidence for new driver - focussed

When instructing, at the first lesson with a pupil that had never driven before, after going through all the controls and how to use them you get to the point where they drive off for the first time. You tell them to "look where you want the car to go, your hands will follow your eyes, - don't look or stare at what you want to avoid, like the kerb, or a parked car etc."

It's a human nature thing - if you want to throw a stone and hit a target - you look at the target.

Hit a tennis ball or kick a football -you look at where you want it to go.

The same with driving a car, look down the middle of where you want it to go - don't look at what you want to avoid.

A simple point - but easily forgotten.

In hundreds of pupils I have only experienced one who I could not teach to steer a car,

The poor girl had been severely traumatised by being present when her father drowned, she could steer properly for about 10 minutes at a time, the sweat poured down her face with the concentration and then she just went to pieces and I had to take over.

I persevered with her for months, but could not make any progress.

I realise now that she was suffering from a version of PTSD.

Edited by focussed on 15/04/2018 at 01:48

Building up confidence for new driver - John F

You might think this is silly, but get her to practice manoeuvring toy cars which steer. Dinky toys and Meccano sets were useful for this, but children now have the luxury of electronic remote control cars which perform beyond my wildest childhood dreams. If you have played successfuly with toy tractors and trailers, even reversing an articulated HGV into a narrow entrance should pose no great challenge.

Building up confidence for new driver - Engineer Andy

I passed my test, like many people, especially men, when I was at school, in my case, during my break between ending my A-Levels and going to university. I personally didn't have the money previously to either pay for lessons, never mind a car, so only learned when I had a summer job, going for lessons in my lunch hour or evenings/weekends.

Whilst I passed my test fine, I still didn't have anywhere near enough (I was earning £60 a week [yes!] back in 1992 [it wasn't that hard work - just a general office dogsbody]) to buy or run a car at the time, and then went to college for 4 years.

I didn't drive again until, in my first job after college, when my boss asked me to supervise the RAC man who was charging their Fiesta van (the surveyor's) and then drive it round the corner to the local main dealer to get a new battery. Needless to say, I was rather nervous, given a) I hadn't drive (at all) since my driving test over 4 years ago, and b) the little van had no rear window and, to get going, I had to get out of a tight space on the road, which was also on a steep hill.

I just about managed to do the job without mishap (my car control was, shall we say, pretty ropey), but the event didn't inspire me with confidence, especially when, in my next job (I was previous travelling to work by public transport) I needed to buy a car to be able to progress further up the ranks (going to site visits, etc).

Once I bought the car (only a Micra), I asked my Dad (a good driver) and Mum (OK driver) to accompany me to go on drives in the area just to gain some confidence before using it in the rush hour to go to work. Needless to say, things didn't work out the way I had hoped. My Dad was way to critical and we proverbially clashed (me threatening to leave him at the side of the road at least once) quite a bit, so, surprisingly, I found it more helpful having my mum there instead, even though my dad was the better driver.

Essentially, this story illustrates, I think, the need for a firm, but calming influence if you have someone accompanying a newly qualified/inexperienced driver for help, as support, done in the right way, is far better than just a 'critical eye'. As I found out, frustration on either side does no-one any good.

I personally would go with driving around on quiet roads first, then gradually build up to busier areas (including parking/slow-speed manouvering) and faster roads, before her needing to use the car for a task, such as shopping, taking kids to school, commuting, etc. Its a lower-pressure environment where you can pull over if required without any detrimental effect (no tasks other than 'just driving'). The parking in-between boxes/cones idea (in an empty car park) is worth considering.

Best of luck.

Building up confidence for new driver - ralph278

Re practising in a car park, as an alternative if you can't find a fairly empty car park, driving about on a ride on lawnmower can provide steering/manoevering experience if one has a reasonable area of lawn or drive or knows someone who does. With the advantage that the position of the wheels can be seen