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Try your local council social services - mine (Bath & North East Somerset) run or used to run a leasing scheme for these, can't remember the exact name. I worked on a over-55 development in Taunton and the local authority there partnered with the developer to put these in on if needed.
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The one my, living alone, elderly mother had one ( supplied by the authorities) worked very well.
This was quite a few years ago.
The BIG BIG problem is ensuring it is worn all the time and the user is prepared to use it.
Mother in law had one and used to leave it on the bedside table!!!!
I communicated with the dial up centre several times.
1. It got up-plugged from the mains ( it then auto dials in the case of power failure)
2. To update them that I was in the house.
3. To enquire if they had any problems from the user.
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We used to have elderly friends who lived in one of a number of bungalows controlled by a sheltered housing agency.
The property had a loudspeaker/relay system used by the agency's warden to make regular checks on their well-being and they were able to respond merely by speaking normally.
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What\'s for you won\'t pass you by
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Thanks for the info. Followed up the local authority type thing and it seems this is a £15 per month leased device that contacts a call centre who make a decision as to who they alert. The alternative is about £70 to buy our own device outright which does the same thing but to numbers of our choosing.
David
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We got one for my late mother from social services. She had one worn like a wrist watch which could be activated by pressing on the floor if she had a fall and could only use one hand - she would not have been able to activate one round the neck very easily and would have HATED the obviousness of it. We stopped her 'leaving it on the bedside table' by making her aware she would not be able to stay in the house on her own if she did not wear it - her desire to spent the rest of her life independently over came her aversion to the call button. I do not know if this is common, but it came with a small, discreet key box with a combination code on it which was secreted on the house. The neighbours had the code and when she pressed the alert they were called and could let themselves in. They, being exceptional people, also went to check on her if they saw anything unusual - like when she had had a small child visiting who had, unnoticed, turned on all the lights upstairs.
It was incredibly re-assuring as I was nearly four hours away.
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would not be able to stay in the house on her own if she did not wear it -
Since when is it your business to dictate what happens to an elderly relative? If they decide to take the risk then that's their decision, not yours, and threatening to move someone into care if they don't do as you wish is the lowest of the low. You might care for her and not wish to drive a long distance in the event of a problem, but to prey on someone's most basic fear (moving out of their own home) is an appalling thing to do.
Just my 2p.
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David, you have many years before you will be faced with these problems, I hope. I hope I get this right and explain what has to be considered with elderly parents and make up for my earlier inadequate posting.
Firstly, Ma was in no way mentally incapacitated -certainly not someone who could be dictated to- she arrived here at 18 to join the WRAF (from Dublin) and was one of the first female Operations Officers with Spitfire Squadrons, the only female officer in the Orkneys at one period. She certainly always had independence!
She had agreed with the social services that she would have a call button, it was pointless to find it was by her bed when she was elsewhere. Had she lived locally to any of her family, it probably would not have been (as) necessary. One of our neighbours will not have a call button, so since she has been unwell (about six months now) her son comes and sleeps in the house each night. I have to say I admire his young family for this long term commitment.
At no time did we suggest my mother moved into 'care' nor would we have done - despite having to fight social services, medical staff and one brother (who funnily enough was the only one of us who actually lived nearby and had time). What we were suggesting, if it came to it, was that she should up sticks and move nearer one of her children so we could pop in, enjoy a bit of craic and cook daily rather than the every ten days or so I was managing.
Once our father had died, it left a frail but feisty lady living in an isolated area and suffering the after effects of several minor strokes. She was neither able, nor willing, to use a mobile phone.
There were several deciding factors after her penultimate stoke: Pa fell one night and had to stay on the floor all night until the home-help arrived as Ma could not reach the phone - pretty miserable for both of them, don't you think? After Pa's death, my brother visited and suggested she sat in the garden. He then left, leaving her enjoying the sun while sitting on the bank. Five hours later the neighbours returned from work and realised she was there - cold, frightened and unable to get up. I could go on.
It was never a case of not wanting to do a long drive (actually most of it a nice drive if you avoided caravan convoys) but would you like to stay on the floor with, perhaps, a broken hip, while no one knows you have fallen until the home help arrived at 10 am on weekdays....
Was it not reality, rather than dictation, to point out that if she wanted to stay there then some means of calling help was a small price to pay?
I am, perhaps, a fussy parent, in that I ask my children to ring when they arrive after a long journey. I like them to have insurance when they go off travelling, climbing, skiing etc. and will pay if they are short of funds. If they go out sailing I ask they have the right kit on, when they are expecting to get back and what direction they are anticipating going. Hiking on Dartmoor or back packing across the world - let someone know your route and estimated times of arrival. Dictating? or just sensible precautions. My family think the latter.
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Great posts Deepwith. Not ganging up David H but you were far too quick to judge on the basis of a few lines.
We are around 18 months down the line in trying to help an elderly parent after the death of their spouse. The stress of trying to balance the elderly dependent's needs and that of the remaining family can be life changing. There is no perfect answer... and at best we are often reacting to less than ideal decisions taken in the light of ever evolving needs.
Somewhat like Deepwith we are dealing with a parent who, on a good day, is able to assertively put forward their wishes but without the overall mental or physical ability to put these into practice. Also they have no comprehension of the knock-on effect each of their wishes has on the rest of the family.
So this means that sometimes our duty of care towards them and all others involved means explaining that their initial wishes and choices my be completely unrealistic.
This is the first time in our lives we have been exposed to the harsh reality of poorly elderly relatives, the care home options, the amazing level of *management* required from the family to get the system to help you, the anger and confusion of the elderly who are not always sure which way is up.... and crucially for me the difficulty of guiding pre-teen children through the emotions involved when a loved grandparent turns into a time-consuming and demanding old person who is taking so much of their parent's attention.
Difficult times.
Choosing the call button system is the least of the worries!
David
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We were in this positiom with MIL. I arranged the button, and paid for it, because we felt she would cancel it when she felt she didn't need it if she was in charge of the account. Old people can be less than intuitive, I'm getting there now.
We knew she left it on the bedside table, and no amount of nagging would change her habit, but we could only do what we thought was for the best.
The first time she needed to use for real, she couldn't get to it. Fortunately she could reach a 'phone. After that she wore it all the time!
It was never put to emergency use, but it gave all concerned great peace of mind.
Our local housing association run the service, about £15/month. We looked into buying outright, that would have cost less, but was really only an autodialler and not as certain of raising help as talking to a real person.
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I do sympathise with your predicament Deepwith - being in a similar one myself at the moment - and I accept that I was wrong to jump to such a conclusion, and apologise. We've been looking into getting something similar for my grandma (my granddad died a month ago and she can't drive) and she's still fully "with it". I just can't imagine offering her the choice between a bleeper and a care home.... :-(
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>>I am, perhaps, a fussy parent, in that I ask my children to ring when they arrive after a long journey.
I think that just breeds paranoia and panic. What happens the time that they *don't* ring - too busy, forget, in a rush, whatever? Or the time that they stop off somewhere for a couple of unscheduled hours so are hours late before they do ring. imvho you just end up in a panic, trying to call flat/in the Underground mobile phones.
NOT something I encourage at all! But don't let me stop you.
Again, just my ha'penny's worth.
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My mum worries, so I stop 30 minutes into a long journey home and ring to say I'm just setting off. Gives me a bit of leeway and she worries less. :)
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